Chapter 34
The Taxi pulled up in front of The Lanesborough, a St. Regis Hotel located in the heart of London, on Hyde Park Corner. It was early morning but both William and Buffy were exhausted from the travel; they had slept little on the plane.
William suggested that Buffy have a seat in the lobby while he checked them in. William returned about fifteen minutes later, accompanied by an older looking gentleman. “Pet? This is Thomas; he’ll be serving as our regular butler during our stay. He’s already arranged for a nice English breakfast and champagne in the room. Are you ready luv?”
Buffy and William were led through the lobby, up the elevator, and to their room. Buffy noted that all of the furniture in the hotel was of the Regency style. It was rich and elegant.
The suite was decorated in shades of cream, green, and burgundy. The room offered a beautiful view of Hyde Park. The entryway door opened to a full-sized sitting area with a wet bar. There was a dining area that could comfortably accommodate six. There was an executive area with a desk, free high speed internet access, Interactive Web TV, DVD, mobile phone, a fax and printer, and a generous CD and DVD library.
“I’ll just begin the unpacking, sir,” said Thomas, “I’ll take whatever needs to be pressed with me and return within the hour, if that’s convenient.”
“I think we’re going to try to get some shut-eye after we eat, Thomas. How about I ring when we’re ready to have you return our clothing?” William suggested.
“Absolutely,” said Thomas as he bowed slightly and walked through the archway that led to the bedroom and bathroom area.
“William,” said Buffy as she stood in the middle of the room bouncing up and down on her toes, “this room is incredible!”
“Glad you like it Buffy. One advantage of traveling so much is Starwood Points!” admitted William.
William was interrupted by a knock at the door. It was room service and they started to set up breakfast and coffee in the dining area. Thomas emerged from the bedroom and after dismissing the room service staff, took over setting up the breakfast meal himself. He opened the champagne and meticulously set the place settings and food out on the dining table.
“Breakfast is ready, sir and you and Mrs. Crawford are unpacked. I will just be gathering the clothes that require pressing and take my leave,” he said.
“Thank you, Thomas,” responded William, “and, it’s Miss Summers, Thomas, she’s yet to do me the honor.”
Buffy blushed, before she excused herself, suddenly embarrassed. Buffy noted the luxurious king sized bed before making her way into the bathroom. Thomas had already turned down the bed and it seemed to call to her. The bathroom floor and walls were of Carrera marble. There was a separate shower stall, a spa bath, a commode, and a bidet. Buffy spent a few minutes freshening up, then joined William in the dining room.
After breakfast and a glass of champagne both Buffy and William felt sleep was close upon them. Buffy tried to stifle a yawn, but was unsuccessful.
“Time to turn in, luv,” said William, “I’m going to take a quick shower, then I’ll join you.”
“I’ll just call room-service and have someone come and remove the breakfast dishes,” offered Buffy.
Ten minutes later the dishes were gone and Buffy had retired to the bedroom and undressed. As she began to slip into her long red silk gown she paused. She could hear the shower still running and imagined how William would look in there, through the steam. She abandoned the gown on their bed and instead slipped into the bathroom.
The mirror above the vanity was fogged, as were the glass doors of the shower. Through them, however, she could still make out the silhouette of his hard lean body. He was shaving, facing away from the door and into the spray of the water.
William’s eyes were closed as he concentrated on shaving. He had long been in the habit of shaving in the shower and so he was practiced at it. This morning, however, he was tired and so he was taking extra care. He felt a sudden draft against his back and opened his eyes.
Buffy rested her hands on his shoulders before gliding them down his back and finally around his waist. “Hands are cold, luv,” remarked William as he involuntarily shuddered.
Buffy placed her hands under the hot spray of the water and stepped closer to him. He could feel her breasts pressed against his back, her nipples hard. She reached back for the bottle of Aveda shower gel. The “re-energizing” scent was minty, refreshing and soothing at the same time.
Buffy squeezed some of the shower gel into her hands and rubbed them together to create lather. The heady aroma began to fill the room and Buffy inhaled deeply. The warmth of the water, the smell of the shower gel, the feel of William’s well-sculpted body under her hands, it was all incredibly intoxicating.
Buffy began to explore the plains of his abdomen and chest. She teased his nipples as she kissed his back, and then gently bit William’s shoulder.
William leaned his head back and moaned as Buffy’s hands moved to wrap themselves around is his erection. The ingredients of the shower gel made his cock tingle. Her hands and the sensation further increased his arousal as well as his desire, for her.
In the blink of an eye Buffy found herself wrapped possessively in William’s arms. He held her body flush against his as he kissed her deeply, passionately. His lips moved down her neck then his teeth grazed back up the same path. “I need you, now,” growled William his voice raspy with desire.
“I need you, too,” admitted Buffy, softly, “I want you, so much. Please, William, take me.”
Buffy pulled back a bit and looked up at William. Her hair, like his, was wet. Their bodies glistened in the water, in the heat. William took a moment to run his hands over her face, then down her neck and rested them on her shoulders.
“Turn around,” he instructed as he gently guided her so that she was facing away from him.
William lathered some shower gel into his own hands and then gently began to stroke down the length of her back, over her ass, and across the tops of her thighs. He slipped his finger between her legs and sought out her heat. He gently guided her to the back of the shower. Buffy leaned forward a bit, her hands supporting her against the tile wall. William lifted one of her legs onto the tiled shower bench opening her up even further. He reached around with one hand and began to massage her breast. He squeezed her nipple as he continued to stroke along the now slick path that ran from the between her legs to between the globes of her enticing ass. He could tell, by the way she was pushing back against him that she wanted him every bit as much as he wanted her. He continued to rain kisses down her neck, across her shoulders as he reached down and guided his stiff cock into her.
Buffy gasped as she felt him fill her in one, deep thrust. Williams arm was wrapped around her waist as he held her tightly. He pulled out almost completely before thrusting in a second time, this time angling up and penetrating her even deeper. He stilled his thrusts for a few moments so that she could adjust and rained kisses down her neck and across her shoulders.
“All right, luv?” William asked, his voice tense from his efforts to retrain himself.
“Oh, you’re so deep baby,” moaned Buffy, almost whimpering, “I, I-”
She felt William start to pull out as he said, “Don’t want to hurt you, luv.”
“Don’t, don’t leave me!” Buffy cried out as she pushed back against him, driving him back into her depths.
“Never. You feel so good, Buffy,” moaned William as he began to slowly slide in and out of her, “You make me feel so good.” He could feel Buffy’s body begin to tremble as her excitement built. He reached around just then, and pinched her clit. Buffy reflexively threw her head back. He could see the ecstasy in her beautifully flushed face as her orgasm hit and she screamed out her lover’s name. She screamed out hisname.
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Chapter 35
As William and Buffy waited outside of Dr.Friedman’s office at Broadmoore, Buffy reflected on their trip thus far. They had flown out of LA on Monday morning, somehow in the blink of an eye it was now Wednesday. The plan was for them to fly back Sunday morning and arrive back in LA Sunday evening. Only four days left, thought Buffy, and William was planning on being away Friday and some of Saturday so that he could complete the business he had planned.
Although she and William were both tired from travel yesterday, neither could seem to manage to call a halt to their lovemaking. For this first time, it seemed perfectly safe and they became totally lost in one another. They paused briefly sometime in the afternoon for nourishment provided by the hotel’s room service. Their coupling vacillated between tender and unhurried to furiously intense. Finally, sometime in the late afternoon or early evening they had fallen asleep, totally exhausted, completely sated, in a tangle of sheets and in each others arms.
Buffy could feel herself begin to blush at the memory. “A penny for your thoughts, luv,” William whispered in her ear as he reached for her hand.
Buffy rolled her eyes and her lips broke into smile. “You first,” insisted Buffy.
“Well, I was just reliving position number three, or was that four? The one you seemed to like so much-” said William as the door to Dr. Friedman’s office suddenly opened.
The doctor seemed to be in his mid fifties. He was short, perhaps 5’8”, thin, and was sporting a beard. “Mr. Crawford, Miss Summers,” he said as he approached extending his hand, “nice to see you.”
“Is Drusilla expecting us?” William asked, as Dr. Crawford shook hands with Buffy.
“Yes,” said Dr. Friedman. “I thought it would be best to explain that you were bringing someone to assist you in making plans. She does best when things aren’t sprung on her, you know. She earned extra time in the art room this week. I believe she’s there now, working on a painting. I’ll take you there, and then leave you to your visit. I think we should limit it to 30 minutes, an hour at the most. Test the waters so to speak.”
Dr. Friedman led them down a corridor and through a series of locked doors. Finally he stopped outside of what appeared to be a classroom. The upper part of the door had a window, made of safety glass. Through it Buffy could see a pale, thin, hauntingly beautiful creature. She was standing with a canvass in front of her, the sun’s rays at her back as they poured in through the window. Her hair was as dark as ink. Her eyes, unlike William’s, were also dark and as they looked up and met Buffy’s, Buffy felt a slight jolt.
Dr. Friedman nodded to the two of them with a promise to return in 30 to 45 minutes. “William, you remember, the panic button is to the left of the door should you require any assistance,” he confirmed before walking off.
William nodded before reaching down, turning the doorknob, and opening the door so that he and Buffy could enter the room. Drusilla set her paintbrush down, walked around her easel, and slowly walked towards William, arms outstretched, “My Spike, do you have a kiss for Princess?” she asked.
“Of course, pet,” said William as he wrapped his arms around the slight young woman and kissed the top of her head.
“You found her,” she said, looking up at him her eyes wide with wonder. “I didn’t think it was true, what they whispered to me,” said Drusilla as she rubbed her fingertips together close to her ears, “but I should have known-”
“Are the stars still talking to you, luv?” asked William.
“Almost always,” confided Drusilla, “only I’ve learned to not speak to them or about them anymore. People find it disturbing, but not you, my handsome knight. You will always love me, won’t you?” she asked.
“Yes,” confirmed William, “I will always love you.”
Drusilla looked up then and said, “They’re quiet now, though. I can’t even see them, I guess there have no more secrets to tell.”
“Well, Drusilla, luv, that’s the ceiling and its daytime. You won’t find any stars there,” William related trying to bring her back to reality.
Drusilla, smiled, and softly batted at his chest, “Silly boy. Introduce me to your golden goddess. I didn’t think it was true, but here she is.”
Drusilla left William’s embrace and walked over towards Buffy. “You’re a pretty one, you are,” she said as she studied Buffy.
“I’m Buffy, I’m a friend of William’s,” Buffy said.
“Oh, you’re more than that,” suggested Dru.
“Buffy is going to help me make arrangements so that I can take you back to the States with me, Drusilla,” explained William.
“Spike, you bad dog, you’re not giving her enough credit now. Is he dearie?” asked Drusilla as she continued to gaze knowingly at Buffy.
“I’m not sure I understand exactly what you’re saying,” admitted Buffy, “perhaps you can tell us what you mean.”
“You’re the one,” said Dru, knowingly as she took Buffy’s hand in one of hers, and then cupped the side of William’s face with the other. “Giving my sweet Spike life, you are. It’s a miracle I never thought I would see.”
“God, Drusilla, you make me sound hopeless. I have dated before, you know, you silly bint. Miracle! I’ll have you know some women would think me quite the catch,” he finished embarrassed.
Buffy attempted to smooth things over by saying, “including this one.”
“Well! Who wants to see my painting?” asked Drusilla.
“Me!” said William as he and Buffy followed her back around so that they could see her work.
She had used acrylics, black, white and various shades between. She had also used some deep purple and dark blue. It was a painting of a graveyard at night. Old headstones resting in the midnight blue grass, some tilted, some broken. It appeared as if you were looking at the graveyard through a shattered window.
“Tell me about your painting, Dru,” asked Buffy.
“It’s about leaving behind a shattered life and finally finding peace,” said Drusilla.
“So, death is peace?” asked Buffy.
“I know it,” said Drusilla softly, almost wistfully.
“Your painting is beautiful,” offered Buffy. “You know, my mother was Joyce Summers, perhaps you’ve heard of her?”
“Oh, yes!” exclaimed Drusilla. “You really like it?”
“I do,” confirmed Buffy. “You know, perhaps I can help get you into a class or two at the Summers School of the Arts? It’s obvious that you have great talent.”
“It’s true then?” asked Dru looking hopeful, “You’re going to take me away from here?”
“Yes, Drusilla. Buffy and I still have lots of arrangements to make, but the plan is for you to come to California. It will be a few weeks yet though. Buffy’s a social worker and she’s going to help with finding a good doctor for you, a suitable place to live and all that rot,” said William.
“Am I just going to another hospital?” asked Drusilla.
“No,” said Buffy, “it won’t be a hospital. We’ll find you a nice place, you’ll see.
Drusilla nodded then patted Buffy on the shoulder, “I know you’ll take good care of me. We’ll be like sisters!” As she grabbed William’s hand she added, “We’ll all take care of each other!”
“Yes,” confirmed William, “we’ll take care of each other.”
“Wonderful!” exclaimed Drusilla, “I’ll see you both tomorrow?”
“Absolutely, luv,” confirmed William, “I thought we might do a bit of sightseeing in the morning, then stop by for the afternoon.”
“Perfect, my dearest Spike. The two of you can join me for tea. Could you bring cakes? It’ll be a party! There’s so much to celebrate,” said Drusilla. Smiling, she spread out her arms and slowly turned around making a circle.
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Chapter 36
Buffy sat alone at a quiet table for two in the corner at J. Sheekey’s in Covent Garden. It possessed an old English club atmosphere and the menu looked fabulous. William had stepped away from the table a few minutes ago when his cell phone rang and she could see him standing just outside the restaurant talking with the artist that he would be meeting with on Friday.
The attentive waiter brought their drink order over and Buffy sipped her club soda as she reflected on their day. After leaving Broadmoore they had done some shopping in Knightsbridge. It was in a small shop there that Buffy had found the black silk slip dress that she was wearing. It was cut on the bias and inspired William to insist on taking her to dinner and the theater tonight.
After making a few phone calls he managed to get them tickets to the 8:00 show of Chicago at the Adelphi Theatre and the 10:30 dinner reservations. As William rejoined her at the table Buffy said, “You know? I have an entirely new appreciation for the British custom of tea in the afternoon. If you hadn’t suggested it I would be gnawing on this table by now.”
“See anything good on the menu, pet?” William asked.
“Everything on the menu looks fabulous but I think I’m going to go with the lobster thermidor,” said Buffy.
“Sounds like a great choice,” responded William, “Want to split a Caesar salad?”
“I was going to order the bisque,” answered Buffy.
“Yeah, me too, that’s why I was thinking only half a Ceasar salad,” admitted William.
“Sounds like a plan. I loved the show, by the way. Thanks for thinking of it,” said Buffy. “This entire trip has been wonderful. I don’t think I realized how much I needed to get away. Being here, with you has been, you’ve given me, William, I think-”
William could tell Buffy was struggling to express herself; her eyes spontaneously welled up with tears she looked away from him and towards the ceiling in an attempt to collect herself. “Buffy, it’s okay. I feel so much when I’m with you, sometimes it’s confusing and it’s hard to put into words. You’ll find the words, pet. Then you’ll tell me. I’m not going anywhere,” finished William.
The waiter arrived and, after placing their order Buffy asked, “So, what are our plans for tomorrow?”
“I thought I’d take you to see the Tower of London, if we have time maybe St. Paul’s Cathedral, unless there’s something else you’d rather do,” offered William.
Buffy leaned back in her chair and sighed, “I suppose it would be kind of silly to come all the way to London and only see the inside of the hotel room.”
“Well, I do have to say that the most memorable sights and sounds I’ve seen in London so far were yesterday, in that very hotel room,” William admitted.
“Are you flirting with me?” asked Buffy as their waiter approached with the bottle of white wine William had ordered.
“Absolutely!” answered William before he turned his attention to tasting the wine.
Buffy and William enjoyed quiet, easy conversation as the meal progressed. The food was delicious and the atmosphere relaxing. Buffy found herself trying to remember the last time she had, had this feeling. It was in those early days of dating Angel. She had fallen quickly for him, and hard. They connected at once and there was this immediate feeling of intimacy, much like she was starting to feel with William. That feeling of connectedness and intimacy with Angel grew rapidly to a deep and consuming love, that once in a lifetime kind of love. Or was it? Her attraction to William was almost immediate and she had to admit that she had never experienced such passion, such intensity during lovemaking. She realized that she had drifted off and lost track of the conversation.
“Buffy, about Dru, I don’t want you to feel that you have to, I mean, it was a lot to ask, and, well, I had no right-” William drifted off.
“Stop it,” she said as she reached out and covered his hand with hers. “I liked her. And, more importantly you love her. I already have some ideas. There’s a place in Sunnydale, they have what they call a transitional living program. I think it would work for Dru.”
“What’s it like?” asked William.
“They mostly cater to younger people, with emotional or learning disabilities. They focus on teaching life skills and encourage increased independence. The goal is to eventually prepare the residents for apartment living. Some residents stay only a few months, other a couple of years, some end up being kind of permanent. It’s a supervised living situation so she wouldn’t be on her own. I’ll get her into one of two of the studio classes at the Summers School of the Arts. Between her life-skills training at Chrysalis and the studio classes her days will be pretty structured. What?”
“Do you have any idea how amazing you are? You spend an hour with Dru and already you’re figuring it out. It would take me weeks, maybe months to figure it out,” explained William.
“Well, it is what I do,” said Buffy shrugging off the compliment.
“I’m feeling a bit guilty, like I shouldn’t be just bringing her back and dropping her off. I feel like I should spend a little time with her and make sure she’s settled in. I don’t know,” he finished as he ran his hands through his hair.
“What if you put in some extra hours with your current job over the next 2-3 weeks. Would you be able to maybe take a week off? Fly out to accompany Dru to Sunnydale and stay for a few days?” Buffy suggested.
“Maybe, but that means seeing less of you during the next few weeks,” said William thoughtfully as the waiter arrived with their coffee and William’s crème brulee.
“I brought two spoons,” said the waiter as he sat the dessert on the table, “just in case the lady wants a taste.”
“Well?” asked William after the waiter left.
“Well, what?” returned Buffy.
“Do you? Do you want a taste, luv?” he said as he dangle the spoon in front of her mouth. Buffy parted her lips and William fed her a bite of the sweet dessert.
“That has to be the most wonderful thing I have ever tasted. More!” she said as she once again opened her mouth.
“Oh, I don’t know, I’ve tasted better,” said William with a shrug.
“What? What could possibly taste better than this?” Buffy asked.
“Not a what, a who,” William responded with a wiggle of his eyebrows. “Here, you finish this, while I take care of the check. I suddenly feel like something else for dessert.”
It took William just a few moments to get their waiters attention and pay for their meal. As they were leaving the restaurant Buffy suddenly realized that she had left her wrap behind at the table. “I’ll go fetch it for you, luv, won’t take but a minute,” offered William.
“That’s okay,” said Buffy, “I’ll go. You do that whistle thingy to get a cab. If I’m going to be seeing less of you over the next few weeks I don’t want to waste any time, I’ll be right back.
William walked to the edge of the sidewalk as a taxi pulled up to drop someone off. As the door opened a familiar face emerged, “Liam?”
“Oh my God! Spike! How the hell are you? It’s been awhile,” responded the gentleman enthusiastically.
William waved off the taxi and the two men shook hands. “Yes, it has. Are you still with Master?”
“Yeah, left for a while, Darla went through this period where she was tired of me. I was able to get away for a bit, but she came to her senses, tracked me down, now I’m back in the fold,” said Liam.
“Heard you’re a respectable business man now. Truth or cover?” asked Liam.
“Truth,” declared William.
“That’s a shame, you were so good, such potential,” said Liam remembering times past.
“So, where’s Darla now? Normally she doesn’t let you out of her sight.”
“Yeah, well, Darla’s not really herself these days. I left her at the hotel so that she could have some, and I quote, alone time She’s four months pregnant and half the time I swear she acts like a raving lunatic, the mood swings are unbelievable,” explained Liam.
“And that would be different, how?” asked William with a raise of his eyebrow.
“Be nice, Spikey, I can still kick your ass, especially now that you’ve gone all soft,” said Liam baiting him.
“Soft?” gasped William, “That’s rich, coming from you, Peaches!”
William saw a change of expression come over Liam’s face; it was as if he had suddenly seen a ghost. Liam seemed frozen in place as he stared at something behind William. “What?” asked William as he turned around and saw Buffy standing just a few feet behind him. “Yeah,” said William, “had the same effect on me the first time I saw her.”
William extended his hand out to Buffy in invitation, “Buffy, luv, come here. There’s someone I want you to meet.”
Buffy stood rooted in place. Her expression was emotionless. William walked over to her and placing his hand on her elbow guided her over to Liam. “Buffy Summers, I’d like you to meet-”
William’s introduction was interrupted as Buffy pulled back and slapped Liam, hard, across the face. Liam attempted to grab a hold of her wrists as they started pounding against his chest and shoulders. William grabbed Buffy around her waist and pulled her away from his old friend. She was sobbing now and struggling against him. Finally, he managed to turn her around and lock in eye contact, “Buffy! Buffy! Stop! What the hell are you doing?”
“Angel,” was all she said as she attempted to regain control of her emotions.
“What?” asked William as he turned back around and noted that his friend had disappeared. “Are you sure? Of course you’re sure! What a bloody, stupid question. Pet, that man’s name is Liam Angelus. Are you telling me that he’s-”
“My husband,” interjected Buffy looking at the spot in which Angel had been standing.
“Ex-husband,” corrected William.
Buffy looked back at William and nodded numbly. “Yes, of course, ex-husband.”
They made their way back to the their hotel in awkward silence. It wasn’t until they were in the hotel room that William finally insisted, “Buffy, talk to me. What are you thinking?”
Buffy started laughing. She shook her head back and forth and almost doubled over in hysterics. Tears started to leak from her eyes and she brushed them away with the back of her hand as she made her way over to the mini-bar and poured herself a vodka and tonic. “Don’t want to think. Never. Ever. Again,” said Buffy as she took a swallow of her drink, and then poured in more vodka.
“Buffy, stop!” said William taking the bottle from her. “Remember, that and you are not very, uh, mixey.”
“That’s me! Unmixey. That’s why I’m alone, why I’m going to stay alone. This was fates way of telling Buffy Summers to wake up,” said Buffy.
“What are you talking about?” asked William.
“That entire hearts and flowers routine. You know? I was actually starting to fall for it. What? You figured you’d just finish off what you’re friend started? The money’s all gone. The only thing left is this,” Buffy said, indicating herself, as opened her arms wide.”
“That’s all I want, Buffy, All I need,” he said as he walked up to her and attempted to pull her into an embrace.
“You’re a fool. Why would you want Angel’s leftovers? You’ll never have what I gave him,” yelled Buffy taking a large swallow from her drink and grabbing the bottle back from William to add more.
“Hate to break it to you, pet,” said William softly, “but I think I’ve already had it. Probably had it better than he did too, I’d wager.”
Buffy took another swallow from her drink before slamming the glass down on the table. “Men, you’re such pigs!” she said as she kicked off her shoes and pulled off her dress leaving her only in her strapless bra, thigh-high stockings and thong. “Is this what you want? Come on, William where do you want me? Right here?”
“Buffy, don’t do this, don’t reduce what we’ve been building to to just sex. You and I both know it’s been more than that,” begged William.
“Maybe for you, but not for me. My heart has been so shattered I can’t afford to give away one more piece. What? Did you think you’d bring me here and sweep me off my feet? Pick off what little is left of me? Was that the plan? To finish what your good friend started?” shouted Buffy as she picked her glass back up and took another gulp.
“That’s it! You’re pissing me off now,” said William as he took the drink from her hands and pushed her down onto the sofa. “You listen to me,” he said as he knelt down in front of her.
As Buffy stubbornly tried to look away William grabbed her chin, “You’re going to hear this whether you like it of not. I am not Angelus. I had no idea he was the one. There is no plan, pet. Just like you, I’ve been taking this one step at a time. You have got to get past what he did to you. Whatever it is that you think you’ve lost. Whatever it is you’re afraid of. Let’s just slow down and talk this out. Together we can work through this Buffy. You have to work through it, luv. If you don’t, you’re going to lose something else. You’re going to lose me. We’re going to miss this chance. Buffy? Are you hearing me? Please, luv, don’t push me away.”
Buffy stood up and walked towards the bedroom. He could feel her distancing herself from him, both physically and emotionally. “So, does this mean we’re not going to fuck tonight?” asked Buffy coldly.
“What?” exclaimed William, feeling both shocked and angry.
“I can’t bear to listen to any more of this tonight. You knew what the score was from the beginning. Nothing has changed. You’re good,” said Buffy as she openly raked her eyes over his body, “but you’re not that good.”
William turned on his heels and walked to the hotel room door as he reached for the doorknob he heard her say, “Okay, fine, I’ll bite. Tell me in five words or less where you think you’re going.”
He turned around, looked her right in the eye and counting the words off on his fingers said, “Out. For. A. Walk. Bitch.” As William left the hotel room, Buffy went to the bathroom and broke down in heart wrenching sobs. She cried over her fantasy marriage that had so unceremoniously collapsed around her. She cried over the child she had lost, conceived out of love, or was it lies. She cried over the children she would never have, the love she would never have. Most of all she cried over the look of pain she had seen in William’s face before he walked out the door. As she looked at herself in the bathroom mirror she thought, “God, Buffy, what have you done?”
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Chapter 37
“So, let me get this straight,” said the young guy who worked hotel security. You’ll give me $500 cash if I let you watch the security tapes of the lobby from today.
“That’s the deal,” confirmed William.
“Why?” asked the guy.
“Looking for someone,” said William, vaguely.
“What do you want with this someone?” asked the security officer suspiciously.
“Ask me no questions, I’ll tell you no lies,” answered William.
“Look, I don’t want any trouble,” hedged the young man.
“Five hundred, you take it, you show me the tapes, you have no trouble,” said William.
There were a limited number of hotels in the area that he thought Darla would agree to stay at. Three hotels and four hours later he had found them. Darla and Angel were staying at the Mandarin Oriental. He had their room number and they were registered to stay until Sunday. William felt with confidence that Angel would not entertain a change in plans that would require him to explain anything to Darla.
It was about 5:30 in the morning as William unlocked the door to the hotel room. Buffy was asleep, wearing the shirt that he had worn earlier in the day. Her arm was hugging his pillow. In her hands she held a tissue. Others were scattered on the floor, he assumed filled with her tears. He walked over and closed the blinds to block out the suns rays for a while longer. Then he heard her stir, “You came back,” she said, voice still a little hoarse after all of her crying.
“Of course. What? Did you think that just because you can be totally insufferable that I’d decide I’d be better off without you?” he asked before turning to face her.
“And I said mean things. I can be stubborn, I know,” said Buffy as she sat up in bed.
“Yes,” agreed William.
“And I’m a mess,” declared Buffy, as she blew her nose.
“Have to be honest, I have seen you looking better, pet,” he admitted.
“And I have this stupid blind-spot,” she said as she stood up and walked over to William, “sometimes I can’t even see what is right in front of me. Then, by the time I see it, really see it, it’s too late.”
William closed his eyes and clenched his jaw, “Buffy, I don’t want to talk about Liam anymore. I’ve been up all night, pet, and I’m tired. I know where he is and he and I are going to have a little confrontation in a few hours, after I get a little sleep. Right now? What I need is a little shut-eye.”
“I’m not talking about Angel. I’m talking about you,” said Buffy as she stepped closer to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. “Let’s just forget we even saw Angel. Things were going so well-”
“No,” said William.
“No?” asked Buffy.
“No. It happened. You’re not going to forget it. I’m not going to forget it. No matter how much you want to deny it, unless we work through this it’ll always be there, between us. Angelus will always be between us. You’ll always wonder. There are circumstances that you don’t fully understand. There are things that I haven’t completely explained to you yet. Never thought I’d had to. Things I’ve done, in the past that I’m not proud of. My life was different then, I was different then. That man, is not who I am anymore. It’s complicated; when I can I will explain it. We’ll figure this all out, and then, maybe, we’ll move past it,” finished William.
“You’re scaring me a little William,” said Buffy as she sat back down on the bed.
“I don’t mean to scare you, pet, really I don’t,” said William as he started to undress. After stripping off his clothes William crawled into bed. He leaned over, picked up the phone and requested a wake-up call in two hours.
“Can I join you?” Buffy asked hesitantly.
“Too tired to fuck you, if that’s what you want,” said William as his head hit the pillow and he turned away from her.
Buffy winced, “I’m sorry,” she said softly as she climbed into bed beside him and curved her body around the back of his, wrapping one arm around his waist and gently kissing his back. “Please forgive me,” was the last thing that William heard before he drifted off to sleep.
The ring of the telephone startled both of them. William picked up and heard the automated voice telling him it was 8:00 AM. He quickly disconnected, then rang up room service, ordering a pot of coffee and a basket of croissants. He said nothing as he crawled out of bed and went to the shower. Buffy lay in bed listening to the shower run. She wished he had asked her to join him, that they would recapture the joy and ease of the previous morning. There was a knock on the door and Buffy answered it accepting their breakfast order. She fixed a cup of coffee for William and making her decision walked towards the bathroom with it. She knocked lightly before opening the door. He had just turned off the water and was in the process of wrapping a towel around his waist, “I come bearing coffee,” she said somewhat tentatively.
“Thanks,” said William taking a sip, “where’s yours.”
“I don’t deserve coffee, I think that as part of my punishment I should only be permitted bread and water,” said Buffy trying to lighten the mood.
“Look here,” said William as he sat his coffee down on the bathroom sink, “you are not allowed to act all cute and coy with me, I’m right upset with you. You hurt my feelings and I’m trying to stay mad.”
“For how long?” asked Buffy as she moved closer to him and started to play with the short strands of hair at the nape of his neck.
“How long, what?” asked William trying his best to not to get lost in her eyes.
“How long, do you need to stay mad at me for?” she clarified.
“I’ll let you know as soon as I’ve decided,” he said wrapping his arms around her and gently kissing the top of her head, “Now, go get yourself some coffee and something to eat, otherwise you’ll be too cranky and tired to walk around the Tower of London and I’ll have to carry you.”
Buffy poured herself a cup of coffee, nibbled on a croissant, and then took over the bathroom for a quick shower. When she emerged from the bathroom twenty minutes later William had already dressed casually in blue jeans, a black sweater, and his black boots. “Get dressed pet, I’m going to call Angel, we’re going to have a chat and you’re going to listen in on the extension.”
“What are you going to talk about?” asked Buffy, her heart suddenly pounding.
“You,” said William, simply. “No secrets.”
Buffy nodded then quickly dressed in jeans and a sweater. William picked up the cordless phone and after dialing a number he picked up the extension in the bedroom, gave the handset to Buffy, and left her alone in the bedroom.
As he walked out into the living room William closed the door behind him. He sat on the sofa and listen as the phone rang once, twice, “Hello?” said the voice on the other end.
“Angelus, slept well I hope?” asked William with mock cheerfulness.
“Spike, what do you want?” asked Angel speaking in a hushed voice.
“We need to talk, now. Can you talk where you are or do you need to go somewhere and call me back?” asked William.
“Give me the number,” said Angel in a rushed whisper.
William read off the number to their hotel room and disconnected. He came back into the bedroom and stood over the phone by the side of the bed saying nothing to Buffy. Within a few minutes the phone rang. On the second ring William picked up the bedside phone and at the same time he hit the talk button on the cordless. He handed the bedside phone’s handset to Buffy and again quickly let the room.
“How’d you get away so quickly?” asked William.
“Darla has morning sickness, offered to go track down some crackers and gingerale, I don’t have long,” explained Angel.
“Well let’s get right to it then, shall we? What went down between you and Buffy?” he started.
“Are you sweet on her William?” teased Angel. “Too bad you’ll always have to live knowing that I got there first.”
William could feel his anger rising at the casualness of Angels remark he paced a path back and forth across the living room and answered, “Angel, I plan on taking her places that you’ve never been, never will be, not with you’re cursed soul and unbeating heart. Besides, you’ve found the perfect mate, I’m sure you and Darla will live unhappily ever after together. Now spill!”
“You’re actually in love with her!” said Angel understanding dawning.
William was suddenly very aware that Buffy was listening on the other end of the phone, and he said nothing. After a minute of silence Angel started to talk, “Alright, here’s the long and short of it. Darla dumped me. I took the opportunity to drop off Masters radar. She didn’t want me around so he didn’t push the issue. I had some money stashed away, enough to get a passport and disappear. Went to California and within a week I met Buffy at a fundraiser for her mother’s Foundation. Saw an opportunity and grabbed it. You’ve had a taste, how could I pass that by? She was rich, cute, a willing lover…although not very experienced, at first. Has she done that thing with her tongue yet? You know, where she-”
“Enough,” said William.
“Oh, sorry, I digress. Anyway, things were going well. The marriage gave me access to her assets; I had her whenever the mood struck me. All in all it wasn’t a bad set-up. Then Darla came along. Tracked me down. Wanted me back. You know I could never resist her charms,” explained Angel.
“Or her father’s power,” interjected William.
“Yeah,” admitted Angel, “someday your going to explain how you managed to do it-break away.”
“That’s another conversation. And, one we’re not having, not today anyways,” said William.
“Whatever,” agreed Angel, “so, I agreed to leave Buffy and return to Europe with Darla. Only, Darla being Darla wanted a show of faith. Wanted me to prove that she had nothing to worry about, that Buffy didn’t really mean anything to me.”
“So, you cleaned her out,” said William.
“Yup. Satisfied?” asked Angel.
“Two more things,” said William, “Someone’s been, sort of stalking Buffy, you have anything to do with that?”
“No,” said Angel, “I’m not really the stalker type, you know that.”
“What about Darla, you said she’s been off lately. Any chance she’s feeling insecure and has someone watching Buffy?” asked William.
“It’s possible,” said Angel.
“What?” asked William.
“When Darla told me she was pregnant and wanted to get married I was, less than enthusiastic. You know me, Spike, what kind of a father will I make? Anyways, she had a fit went on and on about how Buffy was good enough to marry and have a child with, but not her. She was waving a gun around and everything-even for Darla it was over the top,” admitted Angel.
“So, Darla knew that Buffy was pregnant when you left her,” said William.
“What? Buffy was pregnant? With my child?” asked Angel.
“Yes, you stupid prat! Of course with your child,” said William.
“So, I have a kid?” asked Angel.
“No, Angelus, she lost the baby. And it was bloody hard on her! Losing the money, you, the baby. I need you to promise me that if you find out Darla is behind this thing with Buffy that you’ll let me know. Promise me! I’ve saved your useless life more than once, you owe me this much. I’ll keep you out of it.”
“Yeah, Okay, Spike. I’ve got to get back, is there anything else?” Angel asked.
“Did you ever love her? If Darla hadn’t threatened you, do you think you could have stuck it out? Made a go of it?” William asked.
“I’ll tell you the truth if you answer one question, honestly, for me first,” offered Angel.
William stopped his pacing and sat down, preparing to finally explain the truth about how he managed to break away from the fold, “Fine,” he said.
“Do you love her?” asked Angel.
It was not the question William had expected, “Yes,” he answered without hesitation, “your turn.”
“No, said Angel, “I never loved her, I just don’t have it in me Spike. It was fun while it lasted. I probably couldn’t have kept it up much longer though. You know, you can only fake sincerity for so long. Plus, I was starting to get bored. I missed the danger, the intrigue. Not to mention the maiming, torturing and killing. You know, all the fun stuff. Don’t you….don’t you ever miss it Spike? You know Master’s would take you back in a heartbeat.”
William walked back towards the bedroom and opened the bedroom door. Buffy was still sitting on the bed. He walked over to her, took her handset away, and before hanging up the telephones said, “No, I don’t miss it. I’ve found what I want. And, unlike you, I’m not going to throw it away. Call me if you find out anything.”
William sat down on the bed beside Buffy. “You know you’re going to have to explain all that to me, don’t you?” Buffy asked.
“Yeah,” said William as he flopped back onto the bed, one arm above his head, the other stretched out to the side, “eventually, I promise.”
Buffy reclined along side of him on the bed. After a few moments, she leaned up onto her elbows and kissed William, softly on the lips. “Are you done? Being mad at me?” she asked.
“Guess so,” said William, sounding a bit disappointed.
“Good!” said Buffy, “Because I want to hear you say it.”
“Say what?” asked William, playing dumb.
“I love you,” said Buffy.
“And, here, all this time, I thought you were playing hard to get,” William teased as he flipped her over and started to tickle her.
“No!” yelled Buffy between peals of laughter.
“No?” asked William as he sat up and added smugly, “see, I told you, you wouldn’t be able to resist my sinister charms forever.”
Buffy reached up and pulled William into a passionate kiss. As the kiss broke off Buffy whispered, “When you kiss me like that, I forget why I want to resist.”
“It’s because you’re a coward,” said William, sitting up.
“I am not a coward!” gasped Buffy.
“Scaredy Cat?” asked William.
“No,” pouted Buffy.
“Chicken?” he suggested.
“Am not!” she insisted.
“Prove it! I’m not asking you to say anything that’s not true. I don’t want to hear anything that’s not true, that you’re not completely one hundred percent sure of and comfortable admitting. Tell me how you feel, about me, about being with me” he requested as he blue eyes gazed, searchingly into hers.
Buffy swallowed and said, “When I’m with you,” Buffy started, “I find myself suddenly wanting, feeling, believing…”
“Believing what, luv?” William asked.
“That a second chance just might be possible,” admitted Buffy so quietly that he almost didn’t hear her.
William smiled and tucked a lose strand of hair behind Buffy’s ear. “Thank you,” he said as got up and started to put his wallet in the back pocket of his jeans. “If we leave now we’ll make it to the Tower just a little after 10:00, I should think.”
“Aren’t you going to tell me? How you feel? About me?” Buffy asked.
William tilted his head to the side and appeared to be thinking her question over very carefully. He searched her face, so beautiful, so vulnerable, so hopeful, “Nope,” he simply said.
“Nope? What do you mean?” she asked totally confused.
“You’ve heard enough already. I’m not ready to say any more, not now. You know, Buffy, you’re not the only one here that could get hurt,” he said to her taking her hand in his and placing it over his heart. “You want to win my heart, my love, my trust? You’re going to have to work at it, not just me. I’m placing you on notice, luv. The rules of our game, the one’s you made up? They’ve just changed. As long as you promise to keep yourself open to the possibility of love, and I mean a soul bearing, forever kind of love, we continue. If at some point either one of use decides its not possible, that’s the end of it. Deal?”
“What if, at some point one of us becomes certain that it is possible?” she asked.
“Well, then, you might get to see my happy dance!” said William, playfully as he opened the door and they made their way out of their room.
________________________________________________
Chapter 38
After William retrieved a picnic lunch, and tickets for the Tube and the Tower of London from Thomas, he and Buffy were on their way. The Tube stations weren’t terribly crowded at this hour but the couple chose to stand anyways. When the Tower Hill stop was called they disembarked as the recorded female voice in a crisp British accent reminded them to “mind the gap.”
Buffy glanced over at William before disembarking and said, “Mind the gap? I don’t get it.”
Pointing to the slight space between the car and the platform William said, “Watch your step, pet, that’s all.”
It was a short walk from the tube station to the Tower of London entrance. Since William had purchased tickets they were able to avoid the long line. One of the Yeoman Warders tours was about to start and they joined that group.
The Yeoman Warder was dressed in the traditional uniform. He was clever and the tour was both exceptionally entertaining and informative. The day was beautiful and most of the tour was outside. William held Buffy’s hand in his as they followed their assigned group around the grounds.
They heard about the history of the Tower of London. They were told first of the completion of the White Tower in 1100, and then the subsequent additions of the moat, the bell tower, and the first palace. Although the Yeoman Warder regaled them with many stories and much information, Buffy’s attention was particularly drawn to the site of the execution of two of Henry the VIII’s wives on Tower Green and the tower in which Elizabeth I was once imprisoned.
She also was impressed, of course, by the ravens that occupy the Tower. As William pointed one out he explained, “Legend has it that should the ravens ever leave the Tower of London that the Tower, the monarchy and even the kingdom itself will fall.”
The Yeoman Warder pointed out that indeed the only recorded time that there were no ravens at the Tower was in 1946. As this was just after World War II and England had come perilously close to falling he speculated that the legend might carry some weight after all.
Prior to leaving the group to see the Crown Jewels, the Yeoman Warder told, with relish, the story of Colonel Thomas Blood’s plot to steal them during the 17th century. He painted a detailed picture as he described Colonel Blood’s, first visit to Martin Tower, which housed the Jewels. He came with a woman he claimed was his wife. While there, the woman feigned an illness and was assisted by the wife of Talbert Edwards, then Master of the Jewel House. Blood returned with his nephew and other accomplices some time later on the premise of bestowing a gift of gratitude to the wife of Mr. Edwards. As soon as the party entered the jewel chamber, Blood attacked Edwards, bounding and gagging him. The group then seized the King's crown, orb, and scepter.
By chance, Edward’s son Wythe arrived, surprising the gang. Three of the four culprits were caught as they tried to get out the Tower, and the jewels were recovered. Unbelievably, far from being punished, Blood was pardoned, awarded a pension of £500 a year, and made welcome at court. Since Blood's foiled attempt, they were told; there has been no further threat to steal the jewels.
Buffy and William, along with the rest of the crowd, went inside to see the Crown Jewels for themselves. The area was dark and there was a brief video presentation. As William and Buffy stood at the rail the video began again at the beginning. She leaned casually back, into his embrace and closed her eyes. Suddenly she felt tired, very tired and she felt herself sway just a bit. William tightened his embrace and bending forward slightly whispered, “You okay, pet?”.
“Yes, just really tired, didn’t sleep much last night,” she admitted.
“What do you say we skip the video, do a brief walk through, then sit to enjoy these sandwiches Thomas packed for us,” William suggested.
Buffy nodded and they quietly made their way around the other tourists over to the viewing area. There was an automated sidewalk that took them past the jewels. Buffy was amazed at the extravagance. They took their time, ogling the various pieces. They spent a short amount of time in the gift shop, and then after Buffy purchased a small Christmas ornament to remember the trip, they retired to a bench along the Thames to enjoy their lunch.
They spend a couple hours on that bench snacking on their picnic, watching tourists, enjoying the sunshine, and reveling in one another’s company. As the afternoon began to wane, Buffy and William stopped by a bakery to purchase some cakes for tea then found a cab to take them to Broadmoore.
Drusilla had managed to commandeer the dining room for their afternoon soirée. “I am so excited! Here we are, one big happy family. I never thought I would see it Spike,” said Drusilla as she walked up to them and wrapped her arms around William to embrace him in a hug, “Our little family is growing. How happy I am for you.”
Drusilla then pulled away and after giving Buffy a hug softly said, “You look beautiful.”
“Shall I pour the tea, Dru?” asked William.
“Oh, yes! And you brought cakes!” exclaimed Drusilla as she sat at the table that contained the tea set. “Tell me what you’ve done today, Spike. I want to hear of your adventures!”
“Just some sight-seeing, pet. We went to see the Tower of London,” said William.
“Oooo, tell me what it was like. I want to hear every detail,” said Drusilla as she sipped her tea.
Their visit passed quickly. Both Buffy and William enjoyed recounting their day and Drusilla’s enthusiasm was infectious. Too soon they were interrupted by one of the staff members who reminded Drusilla that they needed to start setting the dining room up for dinner.
“Please, just five more minutes?” begged Dru, wide eyed.
“Ten. And that’s my final offer!” said the young man before he walked out the door.
“You drive a hard bargain, luv. Don’t expect there’s a man alive that could resist that pout,” teased William.
“And don’t forget the puppy dog eyes,” Drusilla reminded him, “that’s were my real power is, gets them every time.”
“You know, I can’t believe how fast this visit has gone, we’ve hardly had time to talk with you about the plans we’ve been discussing,” interjected Buffy. “Maybe I could come back tomorrow and we could visit some more? William’s going to be away on business tomorrow, but I’m free. What do you say, Dru?”
“I would love it!” said Drusilla. “Do you have pictures you can show me? I want to see my new home.”
“Better,” said Buffy. “My neighbor’s son, Andrew, is in film school. Before we left I asked him to go out to Chrysalis and to put together a little video tour. He has his own personal web site and he said he would post it there for us. He was also going to shoot a little video at the Art School. Sound good?”
“You’re bloody unbelievable,” said William as he looked at Buffy and squeezed her hand gently.
“It’s a date! You bring the movie and I’ll have cook make us some popped corn. What time?” asked Drusilla.
“Around 1:00?” suggested Buffy, as she got up from the table and started to move their plates onto the tray.
“Perfect. Oh, don’t bother, they’ll remove them,” said Drusilla waving her hands at the dishes.
“Why don’t you lend me a hand, Dru? In Sunnydale there won’t be any staff to do these things. Out, in the world, adults have to pick up after themselves,” Buffy pointed out.
“Really?” asked Drusilla.
“Unless you are very rich and have servants,” offered William.
“Then I think I should like to be very rich,” said Drusilla, “How do I do that?”
William chuckled and said, “Pet, I think yout best bet would be to get it the old fashion way, marry into money.”
Buffy slapped William, playfully on the arm, “Shame on you! Drusilla could be a famous artist one day. Don’t listen to him Dru. You should never marry for money. You should only marry for love.”
“But, what if he has money AND the sex is really good?” asked Dru.
William became visibly flustered and standing up said, “Well, I think that’s enough visiting for one day.”
Drusilla was allowed to walk with William and Buffy all the way to the entrance. As they walked out the gate and the orderly relocked it, Drusilla reached through and grabbed William’s arm. He turned around and looked at her, “What is it Dru? It’s okay, I’ll be back in a couple weeks, pet.”
“She’ll tell you. Someday she’ll tell you. But, don’t wait for that and don’t wait too long. She’s going to need to know. It’s important. Don’t wait too long,” whispered Drusilla.
William nodded, “The stars, pet?”
“Yes, my sweet, there is much in front of us. I’m trying so very hard to put it all together. Thoughts, pictures, swimming around in my head, plus the little fishes, it’s all so vexing. I’ll suss it out though, I always do,” she smiled sweetly at him before turning away and gliding back down the hallway. As he watched, Drusilla proceeded down the corridor humming a soft tune and gently running the fingertips of one hand along the wall.
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Chapter 39
The cab pulled up to St. Paul’s Cathedral and William paid the driver, stepped out, and then helped Buffy exit. “If you’re not busy, come back in 45 minutes?” William asked the driver. “If I don’t see you within 45-50 I’ll just hail another taxi.”
William took Buffy’s hand in his and they began to climb the steps, “I know you’ve got to be tired, pet, I am too. But, this is a bit of a tradition with me. Whenever I’m in London I try to make it to at least one service,” he explained.
Just as they were about to enter the church William could feel Buffy hanging back a bit. He looked over at her and asked, “Are you okay?”
“Do you believe in God, William?” asked Buffy quietly.
William stepped to the side, then pulling Buffy with him sat down on the steps. He leaned in close to her and quietly, reverently said, “Absolutely, I have no doubt in my mind of His existence.”
“You know, I grew up with nothing. The idea that there was someone, something that loved me, and that someday, perhaps I would be able to find heaven was comforting. I’ve seen so much evil in this world, half the time as a kid I wondered if, perhaps this was hell. But there’s goodness too, and light, and beauty so pure that I ache for it. And it’s when I see that,” William explained as he held her face in his hands and gently kissed her lips, “like when I look into your eyes, I am certain that God exists. And, if you tell anyone that I said that? I’ll deny it! Sound like a bloody poof, don’t I?”
“No,” said Buffy softly, “you speak from your heart. I love that about you.”
Buffy started to stand so that they could enter, but William pulled her back down, “Do you?” he asked. “Do you believe in God?”
“I was raised a Catholic, always did the stuff I was supposed to. My faith was a part of me. Angel didn’t want to be married in the Church and I relented. Then things fell apart, I lost the baby, and I thought for a time that I was being punished. I was so angry with God. I couldn’t understand why-” Buffy trailed off, her eyes filled with tears.
William took her hands in his and encouraged her, “Go on, pet.”
“I just never understood why he would punish that innocent life-why take my baby from me?” she asked as the tears slipped from her eyes.
“I don’t know, luv. I won’t even pretend to be able to explain it. But, maybe, that just wasn’t the way it was supposed to be. For you, for Angelus, for the little one you were carrying. Maybe it was all a false start and it was being set straight again,” William offered. “We don’t have to go in, we can go back to the hotel.”
“No. I-I want to go in,” said Buffy as she stood up and walked to the entrance. As the reached the doorway she held her hand out to William and he was there. He laced his fingers through hers, and they entered together, and took their seats.
The choir of about 50 began to sing Evensong and the words and music, woven together, touched Buffy’s heart. The service lasted about 45 minutes. Buffy was moved by both the sound of the choir and the glory of the cathedral. Buffy looked up towards the Whispering gallery in the dome, where supposedly a whisper at one side would be carried around and heard around to the other end. For a moment she fantasized that she was on one side and William on the other. She imagined him softly saying the words that she longed to hear.
Buffy was brought out of her fantasy by the touch of William’s hand on hers. He brought her hand to his lips and kissed the inside of her palm. As Buffy looked at William she saw that his eyes were glistening with tears. Spontaneously, she reacted in kind. They leaned in towards one another. He reached behind her head and pulled her close. As he cradled her head against his chest he remembered, remembered Drusilla’s words “Don’t wait too long. She’s going to need to know. It’s important. Don’t wait too long.”
Buffy felt William pull back a bit and she looked up at him searching his eyes, “Wha-” she started to ask.
William placed two of his fingers over her lips. “Shh, don’t say anything. Just, just know-Buffy, that with all that I am, I love you.”