Chapter 10

January 9, 2004

Spike rubbed his eyes as he walked out of the bathroom and headed back towards his bedroom for a bit more sleep. It had been a long week, his first week out of orientation and on the job. And, of course, there was all that he and Buffy had been doing to get ready for Dawn’s arrival.

As he turned to once again close his bedroom door he noticed something out of the corner of his eye, the dark outline of a silhouette against the French doors in the living room. Spike walked back out of his room and quietly whispered, “Buffy?”

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” she answered, softly, not even turning towards him.

He walked over to her and responded, “You didn’t wake me, pet. Is something wrong?”

“I can’t sleep,” said Buffy as she continued to gaze out at the city.

“How long have you been up?” asked Spike.

“I haven’t slept,” she. “I’m scared about tomorrow, or I guess I should say today.”

“You should have woken me,” said Spike as he walked over and grabbed the chenille throw off of the sofa. “It’s cold. Aren’t you cold? Do you want me to turn the heat up?”

“I don’t feel it,” she said, neutrally. “The truth is, I haven’t felt anything in a long time. Sometimes I think I’m dead inside. I can admit that. Somehow, here in the dark, where you can’t see me, where no one can see me, I can admit that.”

“Oh, I can see you luv,” said Spike as he placed one hand on her arm, gently turning her body so that the faced him. He then, splayed his hand over her chest. “I can see you here,” he said.

The sun had yet to come up. Moonlight streamed in through the panes of the French door, and softly lit her face. She was wearing a long silk nightgown and he wondered, briefly, if it was a recent purchase. If she had given any thought to him when she slipped it on tonight. He felt a twinge of envy for it, getting to be so close to her. The straps to the gown were thin and it plunged low in the front. He couldn’t tell what color it was, here in the dark, but he could see the sides of her breasts peeking through. As he removed his hand his palm brush across the hard peak of one nipple.

“Do you like what you see?” asked Buffy stepping closer to him and tilting her chin up in invitation.

“Don’t tease, it’s not nice, and could be dangerous,” warned Spike. “You’re playing with fire.”

“I need you,” whispered Buffy looking up into his eyes. “I want you.”

“I want more. I want to hear you say it,” said Spike as he reached out and softly caressed the side of her face. “I won’t be satisfied with doing this half-way.”

She leaned into his hand, nuzzling his palm, and she closed her eyes.

“Tell me you love me,” said Spike, his voice rough with desire and emotion.

“I love you,” replied Buffy, “You know I do.”

Spike slid his hand behind her head, entwining his fingers in her hair and leaned down. As he moved closer to her she parted her lips, and her tongue reached out to moisten them. He could smell the remnants of her toothpaste and the bitter scent of coffee…

“I’m Laura Kane for STAR 100.7 and that’s the traffic report!” said the voice on the radio.

“Bloody Hell!” groaned Spike as he rolled onto his side and turned off the radio alarm. He could smell the odor of fresh coffee as it wafted in through his slightly ajar bedroom door. Buffy was obviously up, he had to go to the bathroom, and he had a very noticeable erection. “Now what?”

“Spike?” he heard behind him as she knocked twice and then pushed open the door.

“Just waking up, luv,” he called out as he flipped over so the he faced her, attempting to hide his erection with his arm.

“Coffee?” she offered, holding a cup out to him and sitting on the side of the bed.

Spike looked at her outstretched hand and said, “I’m having, well, a bit of a dilemma,” confessed Spike.

“Trying to cut down on caffeine?” asked Buffy.

“Yeah!” he said, overly enthusiastic.

“I can make you some decaf, or we can start making half-and-half,” suggested Buffy.

“No. It’s not the caffeine, luv,” admitted Spike. “The truth is, I seem to have woken up with an erection. I was in the middle of this dream and, well, welcome to one of Spike’s most embarrassing moments. Sorry.”

Buffy smiled at him, her expression instantly softening as she saw how vulnerable he was feeling, “It’s okay,” she said, extending the cup towards him again. “I promise I’m not going to run out, virtue fluttering, scared off by the big, mean penis.”

Spike accepted the coffee from her and took a sip. “Thanks, and just for the record, my penis is not mean. The big part I’ll happily accept.”

“I shouldn’t have walked in here without permission. I’m sorry. I’ve been up for hours. I’m nervous about Dawn coming today. When I heard your alarm go off I…,” Buffy drifted off.

“You what?” prompted Spike, tilting his head to the side.

“I’ve been wanting to thank you for everything that you’ve done. I’m not sure I even thanked you properly for the book and your note. It’s hard for me, accepting things from people. I’m wary of the strings,” admitted Buffy.

“There aren’t any strings attached. Anything I’ve done, I’ve done because I wanted to. There is no reason for you to feel indebted to me,” Spike assured her. “Now scoot and give me a minute, or ten. How about we walk down to The Gathering for breakfast? I could go for some of their Eggs Benedict.”

“Sounds good,” said Buffy as she stood up.

“Buffy?” called Spike as she reached the door.

“Yeah?” she said, pausing, her back to him.

“You don’t need permission to come in here. You have an invite. What you do with it is up to you,” Spike told her.

“What if I’m not sure what to do?” whispered Buffy.

“We could always try figuring it out together,” he said. “Just promise me you’ll think about it. Just ... give me something ... a crumb ... the barest smidgen... tell me... maybe, someday, there's a chance.”

“The dream. It was about me, wasn’t it?” she asked.

“Yes, it was,” he admitted.

“I’ve had them too,” she replied, her confession the barest of whispers. “I’ll think about it,” she added, before walking out and closing the door.

Chapter 11

“Dawn, I’d like you to meet your big sister, Buffy,” said Bonnie, the young social worker that would be following their case.

Buffy imagined that Spike was focused on the beautiful Bonnie with her waist-long dark hair and her voluptuous breasts. The frail-looking creature that stood in front of her, however, is what mesmerized her. Dawn was small for her age, both in height and apparent weight. She reminded Buffy of a young colt, all arms and legs. Her hair was hanging loose. It was long and scraggly, hanging in front of her eyes like a protective shield as she stared fixedly at her shoes.

“Come in,” said Buffy, with forced cheerfulness. “I can show you your room if you want. Let me-” she stopped mid-sentence when she felt Spike place his hand firmly on her lower back.

Spike crouched down, then reached up, grabbed Buffy’s hand and gave it a gentle tug. She knelt down on the floor beside him and watched as he lowered his head in search of Dawn’s eyes.

“There you are,” he said softly, a kind smile on his face. “I’m Spike. This beautiful gal here is Buffy. We know you’ve been through a lot and I’m sure this is scary, but you’re going to be safe here with us. We’re sorry about your mum, but we’re both happy you’re here. Aren’t we, Buffy?”

“Yes,” said Buffy, taking his lead as she reached up and took Dawn’s hand in hers.

Dawn’s eyes moved slowly from Spike’s face to her hand, now joined in Buffy’s and she blinked, looking almost confused for a moment. She gave Buffy’s hand a slight squeeze and felt Buffy squeeze back. “Maybe this is real,” thought Dawn as her eyes slowly lifted to seek out the face of her sister.

“How about if Buffy shows you to your room? Then you can explore all you want while Big Sis and I finish up some business with Miss Bonnie?” asked Spike.

Dawn continued to stand there, essentially unresponsive. Spike gave Buffy an encouraging nod and stood up, then watched as Buffy led Dawn over to the small bedroom that they had prepared for her.

Turning towards Bonnie he asked, “Has she said anything to you, anything at all?”

“Not a word. It made for a long, lonely, drive,” said Bonnie.

“Did you guys have time to stop for lunch?” asked Spike turning towards the small bedroom.

“You offering to buy me lunch?” asked Bonnie as she tossed her long dark hair over one shoulder.

“Huh? I was wondering if I should fix something for the Little Bit, actually,” said Spike. “But I could offer you something if you’re hungry.”

“Oh, I’m hungry, alright,” said Bonnie as she stepped closer to him. She smiled suggestively at him and said, in a teasing tone, “would you happen to have something tasty for me to eat?”

“How about an apple?” suggested Buffy, dryly.

Bonnie leaned up and whispered in his ear, “Do you think she would put poison in it?”

Spike couldn’t help but smirk. “Don’t you have work to do? Tots to protect?” he asked her.

“Yeah,” she said, sounding obviously disappointed. “I’m expected back at the office shortly. Walk me out?”

“Sure,” said Spike as he opened the door and followed her out without a backwards glance.

Just as the door closed Buffy heard Bonnie ask, “Maybe we could squeeze in time for a quick bite?”

Buffy stared at the closed door and was totally caught off guard by the intensity of her emotions as she struggled to fight down tears of frustration and jealousy. “Okay, Buffy, what do you want to do?” Briefly her mind flashed on the image of her opening up the door, stomping down the hall, grabbing a handful of Bonnie’s hair and-”

Buffy’s thoughts were cut off as she heard a sudden bang followed by the sound of broken glass. Buffy ran into Dawn’s room to find her cowering in a corner, trembling like a leaf. Buffy quickly scanned the room and saw that Dawn had opened one of the windows and that a pane towards the top had shattered. She immediately walked over to Dawn and reached out towards her.

“Dawn,” she said calmly, and then noticed Dawn flinch. She remembered how Spike had lowered himself to her level earlier and she quickly moved to the floor. “It’s alright. We don’t nail the windows down here. That’s what you were checking for, isn’t it?”

“Everything alright?” asked Spike from the doorway, a concerned look on his face.

“Could you get the dustpan and broom?” asked Buffy.

“Sure,” said Spike, before disappearing. He returned seconds later with the broom and dustpan in his hand.

“Enjoy your lunch with silicone Barbie,” said Buffy, sarcastically as she grabbed the broom from him and began sweeping up the glass.

“Bonnie,” said Spike as he frowned at Buffy. Then he turned, leaned down, and extended his hand to Dawn. She looked at his outreached hand and then ever so slowly, she placed her tiny hand in his. “Are you hurt?” he asked her, helping her to her feet.

Dawn looked up at him, but said nothing. “I’m not trying to make you talk, Bit. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but we’re going to have to figure out some way of communicating the basics. A nod will do. So, are you hurt?”

Dawn looked at him, her eyes empty and listless and she shook her head.

Spike smiled, “No? Well, that’s good then. We’ll just clean up this mess. Bonnie said that they two of you stopped for an early lunch. Are you hungry?”

Again Dawn shook her head.

“Spike? Can you hold the dustpan?” asked Buffy.

“Sure thing,” said Spike as he knelt down and held the dustpan in place so that Buffy could sweep the glass into it.

She walked over to the tiny trashcan by the vanity that Willow and Tara had purchased as a gift and dumped the glass inside. Buffy turned to see that Dawn’s eyes were following her movements. Her mind replayed the tinkling sound of the glass shards hitting the bottom of the trashcan. Then, without warning, she remembered:

“Mom? Mommy? I have to go potty” shouted Buffy for the fifth time.

Buffy was nine. Their tiny house was cold and dark. She had woken up in the middle of the night and had gone to use the bathroom in the hallway. Only the light was on and the door was shut.

Buffy walked down to her parent’s bedroom and saw that the bed was still made, not slept in. Then she remembered the fight, the yelling, and the accusations. She walked back over to the bathroom door and slowly turned the knob and then pushed the door open. Her mothers prone body on the floor, the shattered bathroom mirror, the glass scattered on the white tile, the blood, the blood, and the warm feel of her own urine as it trailed down her leg to form a puddle on the floor.

“Buffy, are you alright?” asked Spike.

“Huh? Yeah! Me? I’m fine!” she responded a large plastic smile on her face. “You know what might be fun? How about we take Dawn shopping! She can pick up a new outfit for her first day of school. Would you like that, Dawn?”

Dawn nodded ever so slightly.

“Great!” said Buffy enthusiastically. “The mall it is, then!”

Chapter 12

Dawn watched, wide-eyed, as her sister slowly shut her bedroom door. Her room was still fairly light since she had opted to leave her curtains and shades open. Her afternoon had been strange and she kept wondering if she were in a dream. Several times during the day she had slipped her little hand inside of Buffy’s and squeezed it. It felt good to feel, to be touched. She sat up in bed and strained to listen to the soft voices that were coming from the living room. She sat there for a minute or two waiting for the inevitable yelling to start, but it didn’t. She let another minute pass and realized that she wasn’t able to hear anything anymore. She cursed the almost deafening sound of the pounding of her own heart. Dawn quietly climbed out of bed and began to tiptoe over to the door so that she could listen. As she walked around the side of her bed the soft heel of her foot came down on a stray shard of glass.

When the scream rang out, followed by the cries of pain Buffy had been in her bedroom, slipping on a nightgown. Spike had been in the bathroom, getting ready to take a shower. He had removed his t-shirt and was just leaning over to turn on the taps to the shower. In the space of a second or two they were both in Dawn’s room. Spike, who was the closer of the two, had arrived first and flicked on the light switch, flooding the room with light.

“What happened?” asked Buffy as she ran around to the side of the bed where Dawn and Spike were already crouched on the floor. Dawn was crying out in pain.

“Oh! It hurt’s! It hurt’s!” she cried as she rocked back and forth, clutching her foot.

“Let me take a look,” said Spike softly.

Dawn looked up at him, her eyes still brimming with tears, her lower lip quivering. Buffy knelt beside her and in a soothing voice said, “It’s alright, Dawnie, let Spike look.”

As soon as Dawn removed her hands Buffy saw it. The jagged piece of glass, covered in blood that was sticking out of the heel of Dawns foot. She felt the bile rise up in her throat. She felt suddenly numb and wondered briefly why the light in the room was fading.

“Buffy? Buffy!” she heard Spike calling from a distance. She opened her eyes and saw him. Then she remembered and started to look towards Dawn.

“Dawn!” shouted Buffy, feeling alarmed.

“Dawn will be fine and so will you,” said Spike. There was a quiet knock on the door just then and both blondes turned towards it. Dawn was standing in the doorway, one foot planted firmly on the ground, the second elevated so that just her toes were touching.

“Buffy’s alright, Bit. Come and see for yourself if you want,” said Spike waving her in. “Just don’t get any blood on my bed or Big Sis is likely to swoon like a sissy again.”

Buffy watched in amazement as a slight smile began to form on Dawn’s mouth. She walked, hesitantly towards them, holding her tattered stuffed bear by one arm, so that it dragged on the floor.

“She spoke,” said Buffy quietly as she rose up onto her elbows.

“Yelled, actually,” said Spike.

“She was cut-” began Buffy.

Spike nodded his head in Dawn’s direction and Buffy began again, “You were cut, I remember. I’m sorry Dawn. I should have done a better job sweeping up. I’m really sorry.”

Dawn shrugged and clutched the bear to her chest.

“Are you alright? Did Spike take care of you?” asked Buffy.

Dawn nodded.

Spike reached out and ruffled her hair. “She’s fine, aren’t you, Bit?”

“No thanks to me,” said Buffy struggling to hold back tears. “What good was I? I’m supposed to be able to take care of her. She needs me and what do I do? I pass out cold! I’m just as useless as my mother!”

“You’re not useless and you’re not your mother,” said Spike firmly. “Is she, Bit?”

Dawn looked at the two of them, sitting together on the bed and wondered again if she were dreaming. It was just the kind of scene she would dream about, fantasize about. She stepped closer to the bed and reached out to touch it. It felt real.

“Climb on up if you want,” invited Spike. “I’ve long dreamt about sharing my bed with two beautiful ladies.”

“Spike!” scolded Buffy.

“What?” he said innocently as he lifted Dawn over and settled her down on the other side of Buffy.

“Are you ok?” asked Buffy looking at Dawn.

Dawn nodded, looked up at her, and picking up a strand of Buffy’s long hair asked, “You?”

“Yeah,” said Buffy as she wrapped her arm around Dawn. “I just feel stupid. Like I can’t do anything right.”

“I feel like that a lot,” said Dawn as she leaned into the embrace and inhaled deeply.

“But you’re a kid, you’re not supposed to know how to do stuff,” said Buffy, smoothing her hair.

“You smell good,” said Dawn, releasing a yawn. As she closed her eyes, in a hushed voice, she asked, “Buffy? Is this real?”

“Yes, Dawn,” answered Buffy, as her eyes once again filled with tears. She placed a kiss on her sister’s forehead and assured her, “this is real.”

Spike swallowed past the lump that had formed in his throat. “How about you two stay put for a few? I’ll go shower and then I’ll carry the Bit back to bed.”

“And, just how did I end up in your bed?” asked Buffy.

“Well, I had to put you somewhere. If I had just left you to lie there on the floor we probably would have tripped over you,” he replied with a wink. “I’ll be back in a few. Enjoy this time with her. She’s feeling scared and vulnerable. By tomorrow though, we could easily be back to square one.”

Buffy nodded her understanding and rolled onto her side so that she could protectively curve her body around the tiny girl who was now hers to care for. She looked down at her face and for a second saw herself. She anticipated how challenging the actual tasks of care giving would be. What she wasn’t prepared for was the emotions that it would evoke. The memories. The stark realizations about her own parent’s shortcomings and how that had so ill prepared her, the feelings of inadequacy that had surfaced. She had spent years cultivating an image of self-assuredness and competence. Memories. Feelings. Past. Present. Those things had become unchartered territory for her. For years it had been about making plans, positioning herself, the next step. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on the moment.

“Is she asleep?” asked Spike, quietly.

Buffy’s eyes flew open. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, next to her, now wearing a pair of black sweatpants.

“I think so,” said Buffy. “I was just…”

“Savoring the moment?” asked Spike.

“Something like that,” she said as she smiled down as her sister.

Spike slipped his arms under Dawns body and scooped her up with ease, “Don’t move,” he said.

“Spike, I-” she started to say.

“No buts. You stay put. Don’t move,” repeated Spike as he cradled Dawn in his arms and started to walk out the door.

Buffy sat up and swung her feet onto the floor, positioning herself to stand up. Spike swung around and sternly looking at her asked, “Did you not hear the ‘don’t move’ part? I believe I repeated that twice.”

Buffy froze and nervously said, “Yes, Spike, I-I heard you.”

“Good,” declared Spike. “Do me a favor,” he said nodding towards a candle that sat on his bedside table, “and light that candle over there.”

Chapter 13

Buffy looked up, a bit startled when she heard the soft click of Spike’s bedroom door. She was nervous, too nervous to turn around and face him. She had just seconds ago finished lighting the gold candle that sat on Spike’s nightstand. The ginger and lemongrass scent quickly began to permeate the air. She breathed in the heady aroma and tried to calm herself.

“You moved,” he said softly as he approached her from behind.

“Just to light the candle,” replied Buffy.

He stepped closer to her, reached out, gathered up her long blonde hair and swept it forward over her shoulder. “I have this fantasy that begins with you in my bed surrounded by the soft glow of candlelight,” he admitted.

“Spike, I’m not-” she started.

“Attainable,” he finished. “I heard. I’ve given that a lot of thought, actually. I don’t like that word. I wouldn’t want to think of myself as attainable either. We’re not bloody prizes or possessions,” he said as he dragged his index finger down the long column of her neck. You aren’t a goal I’ve set, something for me to conquer, an achievement to boast about.”

Buffy turned around and faced him. His eyes were dark with passion. He was still shirtless and she felt her breath quicken as she gazed upon his beautifully sculpted chest. “I’m not sure I can give you what you deserve out of a relationship. In fact, I’m almost positive I can’t, Spike.”

“Can’t or won’t?” asked Spike as he snaked one arm around her waist.

“I’m not sure I’m capable of loving anyone,” said Buffy forlornly.

“How could you possibly think that,” said Spike as he pulled her closer and nuzzled her neck. “You’re capable. I felt it that night, the night I first held you in my arms. I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind since. The way your body molded to mine.” He kissed her just behind her ear. It was a soft, opened mouth kiss.

Buffy moaned and arched into him as she lifted and turned her head, slightly, offering more of her neck, “Oh, Spike, I need… I need…”

“Yes, kitten, tell me what you need,” said Spike as he began to move his hand up the length of her torso so that he could cup her breast.

“I need for you to stop for a minute,” she said, breathlessly.

“Stop?” he repeated, his voice cracking a bit in his effort to restrain himself.

“I can’t think with you…” started Buffy.

“Thinking is overrated,” he whispered as he began to lean in for another kiss.

“Are you saying that you don’t want to possess me?” she asked.

“Of course not,” responded Spike, his forehead wrinkled in confusion as he tried to read where she was going.

“You don’t want to make me yours and only yours? Have me share my bed with only you?” asked Buffy.

Spike stepped back from her and with a hurt expression on his face asked, “I’m not just talking about sex here. I think you know that and…Is the thought of that possibility so horrid? I don’t know where this will lead, but I want to find out. And, just for the record, being in a monogamous, committed relationship with someone and possessing them isn’t the same thing.”

“What’s the difference,” asked Buffy.

“Well…the difference is… it’s just different,” said Spike.

“You’ll only end up hurt and disappointed,” said Buffy.

“You won’t even try?” asked Spike.

“I’ve tried. It didn’t work,” responded Buffy.

“One failed relationship and you’re willing to throw in the towel?” challenged Spike as he climbed onto the bed and leaned back, resting comfortably on his elbows.

“Couldn’t you put a shirt on for the rest of this conversation?” asked Buffy.

“No,” said Spike. “But I wouldn’t mind if you evened the score and took off your nightgown.”

“What? No!” said Buffy.

“Alright then, have it your way,” sighed Spike dramatically. “Let me hear the details.”

“What details?” she asked.

“Your dating and sexual history. So I have a good understanding of what I’m getting into here,” suggested Spike as he patted the space on the bed beside him.

“I so don’t remember agreeing to anything,” said Buffy, shaking her head.

“You will. It’s just a matter of time. I’m irresistible,” declared Spike.

“I think you mean irrepressible,” corrected Buffy.

“That too,” said Spike in agreement.

“You know? I’m not sure I’m up to this tonight. Goodnight,” said Buffy as she yawned and turned towards the door.

“Stay. Stay here with me,” said Spike as he stood up and began to pull down the covers. “I want to be close to you.”

“That’s not a good idea, and you know it,” said Buffy turning back to face him.

“You don’t trust yourself. See, I told you, irresistible,” said Spike grinning widely as he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her flush up against him.

She could feel the evidence of his arousal pressing against her, “You’re impossible,” whispered Buffy as she stared up into his deep blue eyes. “Say goodnight, Spike,”

“Goodnight, Spike,” he said as she pulled herself from his embrace.

Buffy walked quickly over to his bedroom door. As she placed her hand on the doorknob she shook her head and confessed, “Spike, I’ve given myself to someone before. Completely. It wasn’t enough. Not enough to keep him. It will never be enough because I’m empty inside.”

“You’re not empty, you’re just closed off, from trying to protect yourself,” suggested Spike. “I’ve seen glimpses of the girl inside. You’re more than window dressing.”

“Protect myself? From heartbreak, misery, sexual violence, and possible death? Possibly,” admitted Buffy as she turned back around and leaned against the door.

“From having to face your demons, because if you do that, really do that, you have to admit that it could all change,” offered Spike as he walked over to her. He placed a hand on either side of her head and leaned in, until his forehead touched hers. As the seconds ticked away he slowly lowered his hands until they rested, comfortably on her waist. Their breathing became synchronized. She closed her eyes and felt him. She let him lead her as the pace of his inhalations became deeper, more impassioned. A soft moan escaped Buffy’s lips.

Spike pulled back slightly, kissed her on the forehead, and said, “Now, go off to sleep, like a good girl, before I turn into the big bad wolf.”

“And eat me?” asked Buffy looking up at him, her voice carrying a tone of feigned innocence.

Spike leaned up over her, slapped his hands back onto the door about her head, pinning her in, and said, “You know? That was just plain mean. How am I supposed to sleep now! You have an evil streak Buffy Summers! And, I swear, if you offer to let me spank you for punishment I’m going to totally lose it.”

“Goodnight, Spike,” said Buffy, smiling coyly.

Spike backed away and watched as she opened his door, walked out, and closed it softly behind her.

“One, two, three…fuck it,” he said as he pulled the door open. She was just half-way down the hall and in two strides he was on her. He reached out for her hand and pulled her towards him. Then he quickly backed her up against the wall, one hand around her waist, the other around the back of her neck. He crushed his lips to hers in a breath-stealing kiss. He made no attempt to hide his arousal. He did just the opposite. He wanted her to know just what she did to him, how she affected him, he wanted her to feel the power that she had over him. He tilted his pelvis so that his erection could be felt against her soft stomach. She gasped and he took immediate advantage, boldly slipping his tongue inside the sweetness of her mouth.

As soon as his tongue entered her mouth he knew she had been right. He wanted her, all of her. There was no hesitancy, no doubt in the kiss. It was about wanting and taking. It was about marking. It was about possessing. It hit him like a ton of bricks and he was suddenly awash in shame. He pulled back abruptly.

Her hair was messed and her eyes were wide in a combination of arousal and fear. Even in the dim light of the hallway he could see that her lips were red and full from his assault.

“You’re right,” admitted Spike, at first turning away from her. “I want to make you mine. If I were to be perfectly honest I would tell you that I’ve thought of little else since I saw you in that elevator. I’m probably no different than any other wanker that you’ve ever dated, or slept with. If you want me to move out, I will,” finished Spike.

“If I let you stay, are you going to attack me in the hallway again?” asked Buffy.

“It’s a likely scenario,” admitted Spike, looking her in the eye and nodding his head.

“Then you can stay,” said Buffy as she turned and continued down the hall to her room. “And, Spike? You are different.”

“Goodnight, luv,” said Spike as he watched her close her door.

Chapter 14

Dawn woke up. In those few seconds between consciousness and opening her eyes an intense fear set in. Fear that it was all just a dream. Dawn sat up in bed and slowly opened her eyes, first one and then the other. The morning sun was streaming in through the window. She could see tiny particles of dust floating in the air. Dawn looked at the white lace curtains and her forehead wrinkled. She climbed out of bed and walked over to finger the delicate fabric, establishing they were real. She turned and surveyed her room. She ran her hand along the cheerful yellow wall. Until she reached the corner where her vanity sat. A blue and yellow striped skirt had been placed around it. She sat on the matching tufted stool and stared at her reflection in the mirror. Dawn looked at the items that were scattered on top, picked up a hairbrush and began to methodically run it through her hair. Satisfied, she turned and looked at her bed. She walked over and quickly made it, pulling up the light blue sheets and smoothing out the blue and yellow striped comforter. Just as she was tossing the white lace throw pillows onto the bed she heard her door creek and turned quickly to face it.

“Morning, Bit,” said Spike. “How did you sleep? How’s the foot?”

Dawn’s eyes immediately found an uninteresting spot on the floor to stare at.

“Ah. Not feeling chatty this morning?” observed Spike. “Well, I didn’t sleep so well myself, I’ve been up awhile, but Buffy’s still asleep. I was just about to make some French toast. Unless you’d rather have oatmeal?”

Dawn slowly raised her eyes to look at him.

“I’ve got an idea!” said Spike with enthusiasm. “How about you burp once if you want French toast, twice if you want oatmeal!”

Dawn couldn’t help herself, a giggle bubbled out of her. Spike extended his hand out towards her and announced, “French toast it is, then. Come on, you can be my sous chef. We’re going to start working on cooking lessons now. Your sister’s a horrid cook. I say we start breaking you in early!”

Spike led her into the kitchen and lifted her up onto the counter. “This is really easy,” said Spike as he dropped some butter into the frying pan and lit the flame. He turned to gather some eggs from the fridge, and then quickly scrambled them in a bowl. “You do the dunking,” he instructed as he handed her a slice of bread, “like so.”

The two of them worked side by side in comfortable silence for several minutes. When the French toast was finished Spike dished it up and carried the plates to the table. He returned to the kitchen, lifted Dawn off the counter, and handed her the napkins and cutlery. “Go finish setting the table, I’ll bring you a glass of milk.”

Dawn followed his instructions without protest; carefully setting a fork, knife and napkin by each plate. She then pulled out a chair, sat down, and waited. Spike joined her at the table, “Eat up!” he encouraged as he nodded towards her plate and poured out a generous amount of syrup for himself. Dawn continued to sit there, staring at her plate in silence.

Spike cut into his breakfast and was just about to take his first bite when he realized she hadn’t moved. He sat his fork down quietly, leaned forward, and said, “I wasn’t making fun of you earlier, about not talking. The truth is that I’m absolutely sure that you have a really good reason for it. I’d like to understand, Bit, I truly would.” Spike picked up her knife and fork and cut her French toast into little squares and then doused them with syrup. He speared one square onto her fork and then lifted it towards her mouth, “Come on, have a taste. It’s horrible for you, mostly sugar and carbohydrates. Well, there is some nutritional value, I did buy whole grained bread and there’s protein in the eggs, right?”

Dawn opened her mouth and accepted the bite. She chewed for a moment, closing her eyes to savor the taste. Then, she reached out, accepted the fork, and fed herself another bite.

“You’ve never had French toast before?” asked Spike.

Dawn shook her head as she quickly filled her mouth with another bite.

“Slow down, Bit,” laughed Spike. “You’re going to choke if you keep shoveling it in like that!”

Dawn paused and looked up at him, embarrassed, her cheeks puffed out like a little chipmunks. She sat her fork down and swallowed. The momentary silence was interrupted by the sound of the intercom buzzer.

“Excuse me,” said Spike as he stood up and walked over to the intercom. “Hello?”

“Spike? I know I’m a bit early, are you ready?” asked the voice.

“Not quite, I’ll buzz you in, come on up,” responded Spike. He looked over to look at Dawn and said, “Finish up your breakfast, Dawn. I’m gonna be leaving shortly and-”

Her head shot up, a look of alarm on her face.

“I’m not leaving for good,” he said as he walked back over to the table and sat down, “just for a bit. I have a fencing date with a mate. What would you think about a picnic at the beach this afternoon? Think you and Buffy would like that?”

Dawn nodded enthusiastically.

“It’s a date then!” said Spike as he picked up his plate and carried it to the sink. There was a knock at the door and Spike walked over to answer. “Come on in, Wes. I’ll just wake Buffy and get my gear. This is Dawn by the way. Dawn, this is Wes.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Dawn,” said Wes. Dawn looked down and said nothing.

Spike walked over to her and bending down whispered, “It’s alright if you don’t want to talk, but if you don’t, I’d like you to at least shake his hand. Could you do that, Bit?”

Dawn stood up, walked over to Wes, and extended her hand in a handshake.

“Help yourself to some coffee, I’ll just be a minute,” said Spike before leaving the room.

He walked over to Buffy’s door and knocked softly. He waited a moment and when there was no response he quietly opened the door and walked in. The room was softly lit and she was lying on her side on the far side of the bed.  Her hair was spayed out across her pillow and the sheet had slipped down around her waist. Spike could see the soft mound of her right breast peeking out from the bodice of her nightgown. She looked so peaceful.

Spike crouched down and studied her for a moment, she looked different in sleep, more open, less guarded. He stood up and crawled onto the bed, stretching out beside her. He rested his head on the pillow and then whispered her name, “Buffy?”

She rolled onto her back and stretched out before him, like a cat, lifting her arms over her head and extending her legs. Her eyes slowly fluttered open.

“Damn,” said Spike, softly, “I was really hoping that I was going to have to wake you with a kiss, you know, like Prince Charming.”

“I think Prince Charming was in ‘Cinderella’, not ‘Snow White’” said Buffy rolling onto her side. “What time is it?”

“He was in both, actually, ‘Rapunzel’ too. He was a real player, that one,” said Spike as he reached up and gathered a strand of her hair between his fingers. “It’s 8:30 a.m. and I’ve given Dawn breakfast. I’ve got to go. I have a fencing date-” began Spike.

“You’re going to help someone build a fence?” asked Buffy leaning up on one elbow.

“No,” said Spike patiently. “Fencing as in en garde clarified Spike.”

“Nobody really fences like that. Well, except for maybe Jean Luc Picard, on the holodeck of the Enterprise,” babbled Buffy.

“I fence,” said Spike. “It’s a fabulous sport. Turns out that one of my co-workers’ husbands is into it too. He’s taking me down to his club so I can check it out and embarrass him a bit.”

“You’re so confident,” observed Buffy.

“Not about everything,” said Spike. “Don’t let me fool you. There are plenty of things that I find just plain terrifying.”

“Like what?” asked Buffy. “And, don’t say ‘dishes.’”

Spike smiled and said, “As much as I’d love to spend a lazy morning in bed with you having a heart-to-heart, I’ve got a mate waiting out there for me. How about you pick me up around noon at the club? We can grab some sandwiches and go down to the beach for the afternoon?”

“Sounds great!” said Buffy.

“I’ll leave the address on the kitchen table,” he said as he started to get up. “Oh! I’m gonna leave Dawn with some art supplies. Can you bring them, whatever she works on, and a blanket?”

“Sure,” said Buffy. “I’ll see you at noon.”

“I’ll see you at noon,” confirmed Spike before turning to go. He paused at the door and looking back at her said, “We could finish that heart-to-heart tonight.”

“I’ve got a date tonight!” announced Buffy. “I promised Dawn a night of ‘The Princess Bride’ and pizza. You’re welcome to join in. There’s sword fighting and adventure and romance.”

Spike leaned against the doorframe, tilted his head and looking at her skeptically asked, “Is it is kissing movie?”

Buffy smiled as she hopped out of bed and bounced over to him, “So, you’re in? You’ll watch with us?”

“As you wish,” said Spike, bowing down gallantly. As he stood back up he reached out for her chin, tilted in up slightly lifting her head, and leaned down placing a soft kiss on her forehead. “Until tonight.”

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