Disclaimer: This is a work of fan-fiction. All here fore used characters belong rightfully to Marvel and I just borrowed them. The only profit I hope to achieve with this is the pure pleasure of the reader, so no copyright infringement intended. Please do not sue me, I don’t have money and I won’t be getting some from this story.
Author’s notes: The story is a part of my Tale of two lovers and the sequel to Waiting for the sky to fall and Before the dawn. And for all of you who wondered, these two ended right after the kiss with the M’Kraan crystallization wave washing over earth, and the inevitable coma came afterwards.
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While you were sleeping
It was dark and the moon gave the mansion in Westchester a pale shimmering light. All its inhabitants have already long gone to bed and in none of the windows there was still light as a dark clothed figure emerged from the shadows and stepped up the few steps towards the entrance door. She hesitated when she stood in front of the door, but then she shrugged her hesitation off and decided to go in. With a slight creaking sound huge doors opened the and she entered the hall. Inside the mansion it was equally dark but she didn’t want to turn on the lights for she didn’t want to risk to wake somebody. And she didn’t want to risk that somebody would notice that she’d been here although she knew very well that she couldn’t prevent them from noticing.
The stranger knew the way she had to go, she knew her destination exactly but when she stood in front of a door on the upper level, she hesitated again. She wasn’t sure whether she should open the door or not, not quite sure whether she was prepared for what she would see inside. She wasn’t sure whether she was ready to see the person again that was laying behind these doors.
But she had had to return nonetheless, she simply had to even though she knew that it would only be for short; Because she knew exactly that she wasn’t ready to fully return here again. She took a deep breath, but then she opened the doors and went inside. After she’d closed the door behind her, she could risk it to turn the lamp on the bedside table on which now illuminated a small part of the room.
Directly under the cone of light there stood a huge bed and the man that lay on it was ghostly pale, so that his reddish brown hair which fell in some strands into his face made a strong contrast to his skin that was almost as white as the sheets he lay on. The man had his eyes closed, he was given air over small tubes right inside his nose and in his arms he had several needles with which he was connected to countless devices that monitored his life signs as he was fed with nutritional fluids over them as well. But one did not have to be a doctor to realize that all these life signs were pretty weak.
It was obvious that this man was in a coma, that he had been for a while and the person who was responsible for this condition was standing right above him.
When she stepped right under the cone of light it could be seen better than before that the dark clothed figure was a woman, with long brown curls and a distinct white streak in the middle of her hair. Her green eyes looked sadly down onto the man on the bed, for she knew too well why he was laying there and in a certain manner it was her fault. She pulled a chair closer and gently removed some strands of his reddish brown hair out of his face. Right now she didn’t have to fear to harm him even more for she wore gloves to prevent the direct contact with his skin. She watched him closer, the hollow eyes, the haggard looks on his face and the pale skin where the darker stubbles on his chin so much sprang to one’s attention. She didn’t say a single word, she simply sat there and held his hand in hers. But she was with him, with the man she loved, the only man that had ever mattered so much to her that she had had to risk to loose him, maybe forever.
But it had been a decision of the heart and the heart does not always make the safest decisions, especially not when it concerned the heart of a lover.
It is all my fault that you are laying here now. But I couldn’t act differently, I could not bear the thought to die without this one kiss, this final kiss. It should have been my last gift for you but now it could well become my final gift for you ever. It is all my fault but I loved you too much, I still love you more than anything else in this world and that is it that makes it so hard for me to bear, to see you now. I could not die without telling you how much you really mean to me, how much I truly love you and you could not either.
Now I am sitting here at your bedside, it is the middle of the night and I don’t know what to say. What could I or what is left to say anyway? I know exactly what you feel for me, that you too couldn’t let it end without opening your heart to me and now I have seen more in there than you probably had been willing to open for me, to show me and to let me know. I know that you love me and that you had wanted to tell me that. That should have been your gift for me, your final gift before the wave would have hit us, before we would have died. But now it didn’t happen and I am sitting here, watching you. Your gift means so much more to me.
Your trust in me is more than I could have ever imagined and for this I am grateful to you. But what I also know is that you have never been that fully open to me or will be, for I have seen more than you wanted me to see. You didn’t want to let it end without giving your heart to me and I felt the same. Now I have seen it and I cannot understand a thing. My life has changed and I can’t understand this change. I cannot understand the things I have seen, what I saw in your mind, your thoughts. All this is inside of my mind now and many of it frightens me, even scares me; there is so much that I cannot understand and I have the feeling that I must find out everything, to find out what confuses me so. I have to find out the truth for I know that otherwise nothing will ever be the same again, like it had been before; that it can never be the way I would’ve wanted it to be for us to be and still do. I do love you more than I ever did but it can only be right again when I’ll have found out what I cannot understand.
I am confused. I have seen things in your mind, in your thoughts and your heart that make me feel insecure about me, about us but then I notice that it is you, that these are your doubts. They are your doubts that I must deal with now, that I must understand and get under control in my mind. They are your doubts whether I truly deserve you or whether you truly deserve me. I don’t understand why you would think that you’d be not good enough for me, that you wouldn’t deserve me and that I would deserve better than you. I cannot understand your feelings, I wouldn’t wish for another man but you, Remy, and I could never love another more than I do love you and I hope that you will understand this, that you will see this too. I wanted to spend this final moment in the desert with you and only with you; with the only man my heart belongs to and I would do it again or otherwise I’d probably die. It tears my heart apart to see you lying there for I never wanted to hurt you, I never wanted you to be hurt.
I hope you will understand that I have to know what is it that you have buried so deeply in your mind and I hope you’ll understand that I have to know the truth, that I have to find out what the truth is that makes me doubt our love so much but which is the truth that makes you doubt to be the man I really deserve and should give my heart to. I hope I will be able to take these doubts away from you, once I will have found out. My heart belongs to you, only to you and nothing will ever change that.
I have to go now for otherwise the others will notice that I have been here and Bobby; too shouldn’t know that I have been here. But I couldn’t act differently, I had to see you. I couldn’t continue travelling with Bobby without knowing that you are okay. And I now will seek out the truth so that I can come back to you again, for only then I will be able to take your doubts away.
I love you, Remy LeBeau and that will never change, neither could you nor anything else make a change about that.
Rogue still held his hand, she didn’t notice that she’d at some point begun talking silently to him, she only did realize this when she prepared to leave again. She didn’t want to risk that anybody would find her here and she didn’t want to answer all the questions of the others, not at this point. Rogue put his hand back on the sheets and bowed slightly to kiss him on his forehead which was covered with his hair. She felt her tears slowly falling down her cheeks and knew that she had to go again. She stepped back and opened the window. The cold air of the night caught itself in her hair but she didn’t notice. She threw a last glance back to her heart, her love and then she rose into the night and vanished in the darkness.
It was a while later, after Rogue had left; on this morning the others hadn’t looked after Remy yet. In the room the window was still open and a light breeze stroked over the face of the man, who lay there on the bed. It seemed as if nothing had changed but that was not true.
His eyes were still open but his fingertips moved slightly. Then they balled into a fist and the man opened his eyes. He only said one word, but that had it been that had made him wake up from his coma in which he’d been for the last three weeks. His voice was still silent and rough, he hadn’t gained his strength back but that would only be a question of time, just like anything else would come back to him he had hoped but now feared for.