Disclaimer: This is a work of fan-fiction. The here fore used characters belong rightfully to Marvel and I just borrowed them. The only profit I hope to achieve with this is the pure pleasure of the reader, so no copyright infringement intended. Please do not sue me, I don’t have money and won’t be getting some from this story.
Author’s notes: The story takes place shortly after an argument between Remy and Rogue, but it doesn’t matter which one for the usually appear to have the same reasons, either his past or her inability of experiencing human touch. The story is told from Remy’s point of view.
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‘I pushed you far away,
And yet you stayed with me.
Guess that means we’re meant to be.’
“Ain’t it funny”; Jennifer Lopez
“But, chère, I love you…”
-“You have no idea what true love is, you don’t know what love really means.”
Rogue’s words are still ringing all too clear in my ears, but they are even louder in my heart and it is there, where they have hit the deepest, where they do hurt the most.
Rogue is the woman that means more to me than my own life, more than anything that ever meant anything to me or will mean. When I am without her, I have this feeling of a deep emptiness, I feel so lonely, so as if part of me would be missing and it is a feeling I never want to feel for a long time, or have to feel at all. I could never stand loosing her, then I’d rather die. Never before I have felt so much for another person and my beloved chère Rogue is the only woman I want to spend my life with.
Rogue probably might not understand it, but I truly do love her, I love her from the bottom of my heart, even if I will never be able to touch her. I can love her without having to touch her. I know that I will never feel her soft skin underneath my fingertips, that I will never be able to kiss away her tears that always come rolling down her cheeks at these thoughts, for I know exactly what she feels then. I know exactly how much it hurts her, to be isolated forever from any human touch, the one thing she so much longs for. All that I am able to do then is to simply hold her, to stroke her gently over her long brown curls and to never let her go, for this is the way I can show her then, just how much she really means to me.
Rogue might believe, I wouldn’t know what love is, true love. She maybe believes it depends on touch, that love depended on human touch, on the touch of bare hands or on a kiss, but this is not true.
For a real love it is meaningless whether physical desires are fulfilled or pleased, it does not depend on the touch of skin against skin, whether I might be able to touch her or she me. It is absolutely without meaning, that I will never be able to really kiss her, never feel her soft lips against mine, at least it is for me without meaning for it is absolutely also without meaning for love. A true and honest love should be above physical contact and not depend on it.
The feelings I have for Rogue are honest, maybe they are the only honest thing at all concerning myself, but that is not important. What is important for me is that I am a different person, when I can be with her. She has changed me from the moment on when I first saw her and I knew that she truly was somebody special, someone really special. I did not know how much she would mean to me one day and that I would give up everything just to be with her, even my life. But Rogue did change me and my love for her has managed to do that.
She might believe that love is always connected with the touch of bare skin but I know that I can be much closer to her than she might think I could be. Every time, I just hold her in my arms and show her that way how much she means to me, then I am happy, happier than anytime else. It is absolutely meaningless for me that a piece of cloth will always stand between us for I love her the way she is, for what and who she is and I absolutely don’t care about the gloves that separate our hands when I hold hers or else. I can be near her, close to her every time I just hold her, every time when we just are together. She has touched me deep in my heart and soul and that although she never touched me physically with her bare hands.
True love does not need physical contact or anything similar to this, it is just the deeply felt emotions, that one has for another and the trust, that you give in the other person, just like I have and do with Rogue, the understanding for the other. I feel my heart beat faster when she is near me and my pulse is racing, feel how I simply loose myself in her eyes and that gentle smile. She might be a woman I will never be able to touch with my bare skin, whom I will never be close physically but she is also the woman I love and because of this it is meaningless for me, does it have no weight concerning the question of my emotions I have for her. I do love her with my heart and I want to be with her for ever.
She believes I do not know what love means, thinks that I would need the physical contact to be able to enjoy a relationship but she is wrong in this. I might know it better than any other member of our team that a honest meant relationship has no need for the physical contact to make it work or to be happy in it. I know that in a relationship like ours no one would find satisfaction and pleasure when it is only based on the skin contact or builds on it for this has nothing to do with love. I know it too well for I had these kind of relationships with women before, but for no other woman I have ever felt what I do for Rogue.
Rogue might believe that I would leave her one day, when I will be tired of not being able to touch her, to kiss her, that I’d leave her for a woman I can touch but I would never do that, not for any woman in the world. She is the only one that is important to me and that is the only thing that counts. I stay with her even though she might not be able to understand it and I sometimes have problems with putting my emotions, my feelings for her in words and make her understand what she means to me. It is hard for me to tell her, that I love her though it never had been hard to do so before. What is it that makes it so much more difficult with her if not truly and honestly meant feelings?
Even though she might not understand that I really do love her, without that she is able to touch me, I truly do love her and want to comfort her, to give her comfort and support and see her happy, to be the one that makes her happy. For me it is enough to just hold her in my arms, feel her close to me and to take a long walk at the beach or simply watch the sun going down from the hills behind the mansion, feel the soft breeze of the evening sky on our faces. Just as long as we are together, that is enough for me even if it will mean that I will never be able to feel her underneath my bare hands, hold her hands without the gloves in mine or kiss her. I would never leave her, for this I love her too much and she means too much to me.
She might think that I don’t know what true love means or what it would be, but if it is not the feelings I have for her, all I feel when we are together and the pain I can feel so deeply when we cannot be, what else might it be then?