Disclaimer: This is a work of fan-fiction. The here fore used characters belong rightfully to Marvel and I just borrowed them. The only profit I hope to achieve with this is the pure pleasure of the reader, so no copyright infringement intended. Please do not sue me, I don’t have money and won’t be getting some from this story.
Author’s notes: This fiction is part of the Study in Romance storyline and the sequel to 'Needle in my heart'. The change in font marks the change in the speaker this time as well.
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Don't walk away
The man named Logan left the mansion with mixed feelings. He knew that he would always be welcome, but at the moment there were too many things that made him flee from there.
He’d found her, a love that went deeper than anything before in his life but for all this he hadn’t been able to hold her. It was a feeling that pained him as much as he enjoyed it.
But it was a love that didn’t come across any returning one and that was it that made it so painful, for the woman whom he brought so deep emotions to belonged to another man and her heart belonged completely to him.
Logan still couldn’t understand why she favoured the other instead of him and loved the other so deeply, but he had to accept it, no matter how much it did hurt him.
She was the most wonderful woman he’d ever met, beautiful and intelligent and he had given his heart to her, to her alone. But she didn’t return his love for her heart was full of love for the other.
Logan had so much hoped that this could change with time possibly but that would never be the case. And it would hurt too much to stay now and wait for a change of her heart, which might never come at all. She’d made it painfully clear to him that she did come to a clear decision concerning her feelings.
Or did she not?
Rogue hadn’t been the only one to glance after Logan as he went away and left the mansion, probably for ever. She wasn’t the only one who regretted that, regretted that dearly. And she hadn’t been the only one who wished for him to return.
She was there at the window as well and looked after him, her feelings in turmoil.
Jean Grey didn’t want him to go, because she knew well that it wasn’t only his search for his past that made him leave. She knew exactly that he left because of her too. Jean wasn’t so sure of her feelings for him now, she felt so much more for him than she was willing to admit and that confused her even more.
Had she made the right decision? Or was she about to make the biggest mistake of her life when she would let him go?
Jean had always been so sure with her feelings but within one moment all this had changed.
Was Scott really the right man, she had chosen; should decide for?
She had so strong feelings for both of them and even when she’d made it unmistakeably clear for Logan that it was Scott whom she loved, she wasn’t so sure anymore about the rightness of her decision. If she’d really been so sure, why had she’d felt so guilty when Logan had held her hands at his first evening in the mansion, after she’d tried to read his mind, and Scott had seen them? Why did she still feel this insecurity at the thought of him and that it was her, who had made him leave. Why was she asking herself all these questions if her decision for Scott was as settled as she wanted herself to believe it was?
She didn’t want him to go, because she wasn’t sure whether he would ever return; whether he would ever return to her and because she wasn’t sure, whether she really felt nothing more than only friendly feelings for him.
I don’t want him to go, because when I see him vanish now it is so final. He is gone then and won’t return soon, neither to us all nor to me. What am I talking there? He won’t return to me for that I have made it too clear to him that there is no us between him and myself and that I don’t have any feelings for him at all. I wonder if he’d felt that I had lied then? I don’t know but I hope so much for that because I hope so much that he indeed will return.
When he’ll be back with us, then I will tell him the truth, the truth I had been too much a coward to tell him right the moment when he had revealed his feelings for me.
Don’t walk away, there is something I have to tell you, I want to shout after him but for that it is too late. He has already left the grounds of the mansion. Logan is gone and I didn’t find the courage to tell him what my true feelings for him are.
I haven’t found the courage to tell him that I love him..
What’s left is me, who’s standing at the window and watching him disappear in the distance.
“Jean? Is everything alright? What’s wrong with you?” I hear Scott calling to me but I cannot answer him, don’t want to answer him. I can never tell him the truth. Absolutely nothing is alright and he’ll never understand that.
I never wanted to hurt any of them but now I have hurt the wrong one. I’ll probably never get the change to make up for this mistake.
Don’t walk away, Logan!
But it is too late, he is gone and nobody will know for how long.
All that’s left behind is me standing at the window, my heart torn and broken, and the hope that one day he will return to me so that I will be able to tell him the truth about my feelings.
I love you, Logan.