Disclaimer: This is a work of fan-fiction. The here fore used characters belong rightfully to Marvel and I just borrowed them. The only profit I hope to achieve with this is the pure pleasure of the reader, so no copyright infringement intended. Please do not sue me, I don’t have money and won’t be getting some from this story.
Author’s notes: This fiction is a part of the Study in Romance storyline and the Sequel to ‘Shot through the heart’. The change in font marks the change in the speaker this time as well.
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Lonely is the night
'Lonely is the night, when I'm not with you
lonely is the night and there ain't no light shining through
'til you're in my arms; 'til you're by my side
lonely am I'
"Lonely is the night"; David Hasselhoff
Jean still sat in their room on the bed, Scott had gone hours ago to a mission and she hadn’t shifted her position since then. Jean still sat on the bed, her knees drawn to her chest and the arms pulled around them, as if she wanted to hold herself onto then, to search for a straw on that could save her from the wild ocean of her confused feelings. She had felt that Scott knew, that he knew what she felt for Logan and that she could hide it no longer from him. She knew, that he had known it all the time. She had never meant to hurt him, and she felt extremely sorry for doing so for he was her first love, the first true love she had ever had. But her heart beat now for Logan, she still loved Scott but her feelings were stronger for the man named Logan, who had come to the mansion a while ago and had caught her feelings since then.
Outside it had gotten dark, but Jean hadn’t noticed it, her glare still resting on the empty space of the corner of their room. She felt lonely, empty and that there was nothing with what she could have filled this emptiness. Jean was alone and it came only now fully to her awareness, just how lonely she truly was. Logan had gone and not given any proof of life from him, nothing that told her he would be alright or would come back to her. Scott was gone now and he knew, she had hurt him too now but in the corner of her mind she felt a bit relieved that he knew, that he knew how she felt for Logan and although he was hurt now, he would be over it, for that she really hoped. She didn’t want to loose both of them completely.
Jean felt the numbness that held her heart and the dull pain of yearning that didn’t want to let her go.
The mansion is empty now, everybody has gone and only I am left. Alone. Oh, Logan, if only you could be here, could be here with me, to hold me in your arms and tell me I wasn’t alone. Please, I don’t know where you are, but please send me a sign, let me know if you still love me.
Jean had closed her eyes, as she felt in the main hall a presence. Someone had entered the mansion. Her heart began to beat faster, her breathing became more heavy. Her pulse could barely be felt, so fast was it. She knew who it was who had entered the mansion.
I know who it is and I feel my excitement rise. But there also remains a small fear. He has returned, but to whom has he returned, to the X-Men or to me?
The main hall of the big house was deserted as he entered. The door closed with a loud creak and he inhaled the air of the school, he hadn’t been able to smell for so long. He had missed the familiar scent that was around, her perfume and he felt how his heart began to beat faster. She still was here and he couldn’t await to see her again, to confess his feelings towards her. He couldn’t await to tell her that he still loved her and was willing to risk to be turned down again, should her feelings towards him hadn’t changed. But he loved her that much and wanted her to know it, that she knew he still would be there for her and wait for her, no matter how time she needed or if she would never love him. It was something he had wanted more than anything else, that she could love him too, more than he had ever wished something in his life.
He knew exactly that she was there when she came down the stairs, his heart was beating that hard, as if it wanted to jump right out of his chest, his glare caught in her deep green eyes and the way her red hair fell over her shoulders, her beautiful face. When she stood in front of him, he caught her perfume, that overloaded his senses. Oh, how much had he missed that fragrance and only imagined it, how much had he longed for that moment.
For a moment that seemed to be eternity for both of them they only stood there, unable to say anything, unsure about the feelings of the other.
They both were uncertain about how they should begin, unsure of themselves and the other too, it had been almost eternity since he had left and none of them really could believe, that they were standing together again, united. For Jean was it a dream as well as it was for Logan, a dream they had dreamt for so long and that had now became reality It was an eternity in which they simply stood in the hall before one of them began to speak.
“Logan”, Jean said silently. “What took you so long?”
In her inner she wasn’t sure what she had meant with it, his absence or his return, maybe to realize his feelings for her, she was still able to read that strong, strong for her or herself. She felt, that his emotions concerning her still were as strong as before and she was relieved about it. She had longed for this moment as well as she had feared it, feared to have lost him forever. But he stood there and still felt the same for her and she finally was sure about her feelings for him.
Instead of an answer he took her in his arms and held her tight. He held her for a long time, she buried her face in his arms. Both of then held each other as if they would never let go, even it the whole world came down around them.
“Jean, I love you and I will always love you, no matter…”
“Shh”, she closed a finger over his lips. “I know and I have to tell you something, too. I only had needed time to realize it. I love you too, Logan.”
“Oh, Jean”, Logan felt his inner strain relieving. Tenderly he stroked over her cheeks, some tears running down them. Her skin was so soft and Jean felt how gentle his fingers were, who took her tears from her. She had so much wished for this moment, the whole months longed for this day. Jean couldn’t prevent more tears from falling down but Logan bowed down to her and kissed them gently away. Her heartbeat was no more countable and her breathing was heavy. Logan took her chin in his hands and held it before he kissed her. His lips tasted salty from her tears and Jean felt slight shivers running through her body. How much had she longed for that moment, that he would take her in his arms and kiss her, that he told her he would still love her. Logan held her tight and kissed her deeply, his feelings so deep and honest, so full of love as he opened up his heart for her and gave it completely to her. She returned the kiss and pulled him tight, as if she never wanted to release him again, to let him out of her arms again, as if she wanted to make sure, he really was it who held her in his arms. So as if she wanted to make sure, that it was reality she experienced. She had wished so hard for his, more than anything in her live before.
“I love you so much”, Jean said as she broke the kiss. “I will always love you, Logan.”
Her cheeks were wet and she felt her own salty tears on her lips. Her arms were still drawn around her knees, clutched tighter than they had been before, her glance blurred with tears. She still could feel his lips on hers, his tender touch on her cheeks, but she was alone, lonelier than she had been before.
Oh, Logan, I wished you were here with me, wished for that more than anything else than that you would be really here with me. I could feel your lips, your body as you hugged me, it had all been so real. I have heard your voice telling me you loved me. Where are you? Why can’t you be here with me, so that I can tell you too, what I really feel for you, that I do love you too? It was all so real and I would give anything for making it truly real, I’d give anything to be with you now. I feel alone and hollow, more than I have ever been before, for you are not with me. The nights are so full of loneliness and this emptiness holds my heart imprisoned, my soul in his cage. Only when you will be here with me, I can be happy again. It hurts so much, to feel this emptiness of my heart, the dazing cold that is surrounding myself since you’ve been gone.
I know now that I love only you, my heart belongs only to you. Wherever you might be now, I hope you know that you can always return to me, whenever you want to.
I will wait for you and hope you know that I love you too.