Disclaimer: This story is a work of fan-fiction. All used characters don’t belong to me and I just borrowed them. The only profit I hope to achieve with this story is the pure pleasure of the reader.
Feedback: All feedback, comments or anything else you might want to share is welcome and can be sent to LadySet@gmx.net
Author’s notes: The story was inspired by the episode of BtVS “Lie to me”, basically by something Chanterelle said and Angel’s reaction towards it; the quotes at the beginning and end of the story are taken from that episode. The story changes in storytelling between the story and the first person speech, the change in font marks that change.
Lonely ones
by Belladonna
“They who walk with the night are not interested within harming anyone. They are creatures above us, exalted.”
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The room was dark; a few candles were burning on the table in the middle of the room and gave the small chamber a slightly eerie aura. It was in the cellar of the house and the few small windows were hung close with a dark velvety curtain so that not a single ray of daylight would come inside. But these precautions were unnecessary for no light was shining inside the room from outside. It was night and the moon had risen high above the buildings of the small town. Inside the room heavy velvet drapes were hanging from the walls, a plush couch stood at the wall and some candles burning from up the walls were all to illuminate the room. It didn’t work well for it remained almost dark with shadows in every corner, the flicker of the light dancing between them. On the table several glasses were standing, ready to be filled with delicious beverages for many people but at the moment there was only a single human inside the room, just a single soul.
She was nervous, her heart beating so hard and fast inside her chest because of her excitement as if it would be trying to jump right out of her. She almost couldn’t feel her pulse anymore that much had it risen and she was filled with an unspeakable joy and excitement, she couldn’t bring it to words or stand it any longer. Her long hair was falling loosely down her shoulders and her dark red dress reached the floor as she was there, anxiously awaiting what was about to happen next.
A man stepped out of the shadows and she looked up. Her heart beat rose even more and it beat faster as if that would be even possible. But it was and she wasn’t able to fight it, she simply couldn’t. Her emotions were running wild, threatened to overwhelm her.
In the pale light of the candles she wasn’t able to see his face that clearly but as he stepped closer she recognized his features. She knew him and his features were those of an angel.
He had light brown hair and his clothing resembled those of a very wealthy man, one of a certain place in society, higher. But there was something about him nonetheless that could not be put into words, at least she couldn’t that much was she filled with him. He slowly stepped closer towards her and she unconsciously held her breath. He studied her, watched her closely and carefully, savoring every moment of it and then he pulled a chair towards him and sat down, right in front of her at the other side of the table so that she would face him directly. Now that he had sat down in the light of the candles she was able to see him better, to get a better look at him. He was a fairly young man, not much older than she was so it seemed and his face truly resembled an angel, gentle and soft features. A tender smile surrounded his lips and his eyes were so deep; within them lay so much warmth and the knowledge and experience of an old soul, like from a truly eternally long life, that much wisdom only she was able to see. He still watched her with his dark eyes that almost had a hypnotizing effect onto her, he watched her directly, looked her in the eyes and his voice was gentle and light as he began to speak.
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I have been watching you. From the first moment on I saw you I have noticed you and felt something special about you; have you fascinated me. Your beautiful long hair and these sensual full lips; the deep blue eyes so full of warmth and life were all I had seen. You truly are beautiful but I am sure that many men have already told you that.
It had only been your eyes that have kept me especially fascinated, that have kept me driven to you, which have bound me. There is so much depth within them, so much pain and hurt like that of a tortured and lonely soul; a wisdom that reaches far beyond the own age, very far. And that had it been that you must have seen within mine.
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He still continued looking at her, the piercing gaze of the dark eyes never left hers and her inner turmoil, caused by being so close to him, truly close to him, grew immensely. Her eyes met his and stood up to them, looked through them deep within, into his soul.
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That is it that is the most painful thing, isn’t it? This loneliness and the deep sting it causes the soul to feel every time you remember it; but you don’t want to. It makes you remember even though you would rather not. It hurts to see the others, to watch them and wish for yourself to be that happy as they are. It pains you to watch them and the same time to wish that you need not face the cruel reality that is life which tells you mockingly that you will never experience this happiness, that it will be sealed off forever for you. Ah, well, I do know this feeling, know it all too well because it is my constant companion through the centuries.
You are not surprised I see, am I not right? You have known from the start, I can read it clearly in your eyes like I can read the deep sadness within them you feel yourself. You have known what I would say, is that not right? You have known exactly because you have always imagined it, seen it that way or similar in your mind. But still it is different because you still feel the emptiness, the loneliness in your body, deep within.
This emptiness is it that reigns your inner self and that you are so desperately trying to fill, with all you are able to grasp; this cruel and harsh loneliness you so much want to overcome to exchange the hours, all these hours that you had to spent alone in your life for just one minute, even just one second of happiness, pure happiness and company of someone who understands you. This emptiness, the place deep within you caused by a broken heart, by the mere ignorance by those who surround you for you, for what you truly are makes the battlefield we all are forced to fight our battles on, our whole lives and are always bound to loose them.
We do not want to believe it, do not want to acknowledge it, to admit it in front of ourselves but it is that way. Always had been and always will be and it will always be brought to our attention, will be reflected towards us with the cruelty only reality can muster.
I do understand you, understand your loneliness all too well, my dear; your feelings and pain because I do feel the same. I feel it too, deep within me. It is this pain that is my companion on my journey through my eternal night, always seeking redemption and penance for my tortured soul.
My life is indeed painful, because it is a life of constant search for love in which my soul will finally find peace; the eternal search for something only someone like you can give me and in whose arms I can find rest. The loneliness is it that keeps pushing me forward, always seeking out something that will remain hidden from me. It is tragic but then it had led me to you, my dear. And you feel the same, the constant struggle for recognition of a higher force, a power that is high above us and too great to understand for us. Your constant search for this power, for a love of someone who doesn’t even bother to look at you or in the arms of someone who finally will understand you truly is all that you ever will do, that you want.. You are desperately seeking out someone you can turn to and then find peace by being close to that someone. You are looking for someone whose soul is like yours and who understands you, who will hold you in his arms underneath the dark skies of the night and in the pale light of the moon will reveal his feelings for you; only to share the heavy burden of his tortured soul with you. You are searching for someone, who can light the darkness of the night and also of your inner self, for someone who is like I am and who does stand above you; you would give anything to be like I am, to flee your tragic existence and to spend the eternal nights with this exalted being; spend the eternal nights in the never ending embrace of a love that will span the centuries and will never die, like you wouldn’t. You would give anything to embrace the light that lights these nights and shines from those who are like me; would give anything to stand by my side and be together with me until the end of all days. And I only have lived for this love, for you to fill my soul and lonely existence.
That had it been, you wanted to hear, you always have imagined me or someone like me saying to you one day, haven’t you?
But the truth is that it never was about that in the first place, am I not right? The truth is that it is about nothing else but you, you yourself and it was never anything different.
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The eyes of the young woman widened with fear. She was so close to him, as close as she always had wished for but now she had looked into his face, taken a closer look into this face smiling at her. She had looked into the face of an angel and within his eyes she had found his true one; where his soul should have been she had found a demon.
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It is always about you and it was never different. All these dreams, wishes and fantasies were only born out of your lonely heart, out of your only lone soul that so much strives for fulfillment, joy and happiness; seeking out romance and love. In these fantasies you have caught yourself, lost yourself within nothing more than happy and wonderful dreams that will never become anything else than that.
The lonely ones, they who walk with the night on their search for redemption for their tortured souls are truly only you and those like you. The truth is that it could always just be you and nothing else because we don’t have ours anymore.
The children of the eternal night, these warm and caring creatures that only wish to repent for their sins and are dying for the love of your kind, to be loved by you and your kind are nothing more than a rather desperate plea, the wish to light up the darkness that frightens you so and which darkest places only all are the empty places within you.
This is nothing more than a bubble, an illusion and a beautiful dream. Oh, did I cause this bubble to burst now? Well, I am extremely sorry for that, but then I am not. You see, the nights are dark, very dark and sinister at times and what walks within and which you don’t have the slightest idea of even darker. These lovely and caring creatures, you created within your minds and who only live for your love, these fantasy beings of light; they don’t exist. They never have existed at all and were only born of the imagination of romantic poets. They never could have existed because the nights and reality are too dark for them anyway.
See, reality can be cruel to us, very cruel and we so much want to flee it at times, or ourselves but that is impossible. It haunts us even within our dreams, follows us and causes sometimes to shatter them. But that is life and it can be even crueler to us. Welcome in the harsh cold of the night, my dear; reality.
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The small room was dark, the only light came from the candles on the walls and standing on the table in front of them and it was not enough to illuminate the whole room. The small flames flickered, danced silently and slightly, throwing small patterns of light and shadow at the walls and also onto her. Her long dress, dark velvet like the drapes reached down to the floor and her light curled hair fell loosely and free over her shoulders but her hands were crossed behind the back of the chair; tied like the rest of her slender body was tied to the chair. She was gagged also so that she couldn’t scream but nobody would have heard her anyway because nobody in the mansion above her who had been in the position to come to her aid was still alive.
Her heart was beating fast, racing so that she could no longer count the beats it made; her breath also had risen and her glare was frozen onto the one who was sitting in front of her, frozen in fear. Never before in her life had she felt anything like this, such fear and terror were things she never would’ve imagined to feel. She couldn’t move, wanted to scream but even if she hadn’t been gagged it probably wouldn’t have come a single sound over her lips. And even if she hadn’t been tied to the chair by her tormentor, she wouldn’t have managed to escape; her legs would surely have failed her.
All that was left for her was to look at him, him on whom her eyes were frozen in horror; on his true face that now was to be seen more clearly in the yellow light of the candles who gave him an even more demonic aura than he already possessed. His eyes glared at her, they had a predatory stare in them, and she couldn’t break their spell. She now knew that all that she had always wanted to, had come true; she now was as close to him like she always had wanted to but then for so much closer than she would’ve ever dreamed of. She no longer was sure whether all she had seen in her dreams or created in her imagination was really true, now that she had seen his true face; the true face of the demon that distorted the gentle countenance of the angel into the cruel grimace of the devil.
Within her now the painful realization slowly settled down, that all she had imagined, all she had created didn’t even come close to what she now saw sitting in front of her own eyes. All she had ever thought of now lay shattered in many pieces at her feet, almost too much to bear for her. She wanted to cry but nothing more than a silent sob escaped her dry lips under the gag. And another knowledge settled down even more painfully, that she was not going to leave the small room in the cellar of the mansion alive.
He slowly stood up, the light of the candles dancing over his face, his true face he now had revealed to her and continued to wear; a truly diabolical smile playing around his lips as he licked over his fangs. He moved around her, she smelled so wonderful as the scent of her caught his nose, her fear that was filling her and how she was trembling with pure terror. He watched her, watched her eyes following him and enjoyed this feeling of superiority, of knowing that she was terrified beyond belief as he stepped behind her, so that she couldn’t see him anymore. Slowly he brushed over her cheeks, caressed her until his hands came down to her shoulders from behind where they rested and she flinched at his touch.
He still smiled as he drove his razor sharp fangs into the milky white skin of her neck, the smell of her fear driving him wild and he drank hungrily the warm blood that was spilling out of the wound. It tasted so sweet, filled with her fear and adrenaline and that was it that made it even sweeter; the fear that had moved into her heart and very soul. Her blood was racing through her body, pushed forward by her racing heart right to where he was drinking it. Not a single drop was spilled, he didn’t want to loose the precious nectar he was savoring now, reveling in the feeling that he had her, that he had broken the fragile flower she had been and it had been so easy.
He continued drinking her blood, and she felt the coldness of her nearing death settle down, the darkness claiming her like a huge bird embracing her underneath its black wings. He still drank from her, loving every moment of the act and the smell of her fear she was experiencing until the very end. Just before the last pulse beat he gently stroked the soft skin of her shoulders and with a swift movement snapped her neck which broke with a silent cracking sound; he let her head roll on one side, uncaring. Within her still open eyes there could still be seen her surprise as he had destroyed, shattered all her dreams and imaginations with a single gesture, a mere word; her horror frozen there forever.
Very pleased with himself he watched his work, licking the last drops of her blood from his lips. It was another work of art; he admired silently, a true master piece he proudly could call his like many before. But this time it had been slightly different, because it had been a real challenge to break this fragile flower, take the innocence out of her soul. It was another soul he had shattered with pleasure and whose illusions he had caused to break into thousand pieces with the cold and harsh but very useful tool that was reality.
And the most beautiful part of it had been that he hadn’t even had to add much to it, because this already had happened and only her illusions had let her forget this.
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“I’ve seen this type before. They are children, making up bedtime stories of friendly vampires to comfort themselves in the dark.
They have no idea.”
~fin~