Chapter 11

Buffy walked into the kitchen and found Spike stirring marshmallows into two cups of hot cocoa. She smiled when she saw that he was looking through the rest of the photographs he’d found earlier, but she noticed that he had a bit of a contemplative look on his face. She walked around the island and stood across from him. He looked up at her when she reached out and touched his hand.

“You’re wondering when and why he was here, aren’t you?”

“Who’s that, pet?” he replied, trying to act nonchalant.

“You know who… you’re wondering about Maggie mentioning Angel before. You want to know when he was here and why he was here.”

“Well…”he hesitated a little, “ I guess I was a bit curious about her mentioning the great poof earlier. She didn’t seem too impressed by him though. Did he brood too much for the Lil’Bit?”

Buffy suppressed a giggle, and picked up her cup of cocoa while leading Spike back into the living room. “It really wasn’t a bit deal,” Buffy said as she sat back down on the sofa, motioning for Spike to sit with her, “ In fact it was quite a surprise. For me and for Angel. Maggie was about three when he came here, looking for help with some big case they were working on in LA. I hadn’t seen him since, well… long before you left. The last time I’d seen him was when we met just after I came back. Anyway, he just showed up here one night thinking that we might have some information that would help with his case. Maggie and I were playing in her room, and Willow answered the door. She was trying to find out what he wanted before she told me he was here, but before she could I came downstairs, carrying Maggie, and practically ran right into him.

“Maggie demanded to know who he was around the same time Angel was wondering who Maggie was. And you were right. She was less than impressed with him. I think she didn’t like it that he wouldn’t give her his undivided attention and dote on her like everyone else does. And he was more than a little confused about her. I didn’t even bother to try and convince him that you were her father. I told him the truth, and if he chose to believe it fine; if he didn’t that’s fine too. He didn’t stay very long. Willow helped him dig around in the research books and find some stuff to help with his case, and then he left. He hasn’t been back.”

Spike looked a little enlightened. “That must be why he tried to contact me a while back then.”

“He tried to contact you? How’d he know how to find you? I mean we tried everyway we could think of and couldn’t find you.”

“It’s that vampire family connection thing. Anyway, he tried to contact me, but I wouldn’t acknowledge it. I figured that he was just trying to stir up trouble with me, so I ignored him. I guess he was going to tell me about Maggie. Or get my version of the story to see if they matched up. Who knows…”

“Spike, what are we going to tell Maggie? I mean, do you want her to know that you’re her father?”

“Of course I do! Buffy why would you wonder about that?”

There was no way Buffy could really explain all of her thoughts and fears to him. She got nervous and started to ramble again. “Well, I mean, I just didn’t know how long you were planning on staying, or if you wanted her to know, and if you’re just planning on leaving again soon I just don’t know how she would take it. I mean she already thinks you hung the moon and you’ve only been here two days and if I tell her that her Daddy’s here and then you leave I think it might crush her because she’s waited so long for you to come back and…”

He interrupted her by kissing her. She was still mumbling at first, and then realized that he was kissing her, so she stopped trying to talk and kissed him back. He trailed little kisses along her cheeks and down her neck. Buffy was totally lost in the moment when he whispered, “I have to go.”

“What? You’re leaving us? Just like that? I can’t believe you!”

Spike smiled and held her closer, despite her efforts to wiggle out of his embrace. “Not for good, pet. But look out the window. Sunrise is almost here, and if I don’t go soon you’ll have to explain the big pile of dust on the front sidewalk to Maggie.”

“Oh.” Buffy said, only then realizing that they’d sat up and talked all night. “You know, you could stay here.” Spike’s eyes got wide and she could tell he was about to protest, so she continued. “Dawn’s room is all made up, so you could stay there. The curtains are pretty thick in there so you’d be safe from the sunlight, and you can get some sleep, and then later this afternoon we’ll figure out something to tell Maggie.”

“She’s going to wonder why I was here all night, pet.”

“I know. We’ll tell her the truth. We were having such a good time talking and catching up that we lost track of time and you didn’t have enough time to get back to your place. She knows that you can’t be out in the sunshine.”

“Ok, you talked me into it.”

The two walked quietly up the stairs and peeked into Maggie’s room before going to their own rooms. She was sleeping so soundly, and they thought that she must have been dreaming when they saw a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. Buffy tucked her blanket back around her and smoothed her hair back from her face. Spike leaned down and kissed her forehead before whispering “ Sweet dreams, little one.”

Spike went into Dawn’s room and noted how much it had changed since he left. All traces of the fifteen year old that lived there were gone, and there was plenty of evidence of the young woman who now only came here for school breaks and holidays. He lay across the bed and contemplated the little family that lived in this house, and how much he hated having to be away from them for so long. He drifted off to sleep remembering where he’d been the past five years and why it was so important that he stay away. Now that he was back, though, he intended to do everything he could to make sure that Buffy and his daughter were as happy as they possibly could be.

+ + + + +

A few hours after Buffy and Spike had gone to sleep, Maggie woke up. She decided to creep into her mom’s room and wake her up again, but was distracted in the hall way when she noticed that the door to Dawn’s room was closed. Well, mostly closed; it was actually just barely open. She went over to the room, and peeked inside. It was a little bit dark, and even though Maggie was usually afraid of the dark she was feeling pretty brave this morning. She ducked inside the room and saw Spike sleeping in Dawn’s bed. Suddenly, waking Spike up seemed much more fun than waking up Buffy.

Maggie crept over to the bed, and climbed up beside Spike. She reached out and touched him, giving his arm the slightest little shake. He didn’t budge. She patted his cheeks, and he still didn’t budge. Her mommy was usually awake by now. She leaned over and cooed in his ear “Will-yum…Spike. Wake up. Wake up wake up wake up. Please?? Pleeaasse?” She saw his eyes twitch, but he didn’t wake up. She immediately went to her last resort, and started jumping on the bed. The sudden jarring woke him up, and when Maggie saw his eyes fly open she stopped jumping and flopped down beside him. “Good morning!” she gleefully said.

Spike looked at her from the corner of his eye, trying to figure out what time it was and how long he’d been asleep. He saw Maggie staring at him with a big grin plastered on her face, apparently very pleased with her efforts to wake him. “Morning, Bit. What time is it?”

“Time to wake up. Why are you here? It’s light out side.”

Spike explained to her about staying up too late talking with Buffy and not being able to get back to his place before sunrise. She was excited at the prospect of spending the entire day with Spike, not really caring that he’d only slept a few hours. Spike glanced around the room and found Dawn’s clock. It was 7 am. “Maggie, you didn’t wake your Mum, did you?”

“No. I saw that you were here and woke you up first.” She smiled coyly at him, and he smiled back, amazed at how much this child could wrap him around her little finger every time she was with him.

“Well, let’s let her sleep for a little while then. What do you say we go downstairs and get some breakfast?”

The unlikely pair ventured down the stairs, being careful to be very quiet so as not to wake Buffy. When they reached the kitchen, Maggie announced that she wanted ice cream and cookies for breakfast. Spike talked her out of it, and she settled for a bowl of cereal and some toast. Spike was a little surprised to find containers of blood in the fridge, but took out a packet and poured it into a mug to warm in the microwave. After breakfast, Spike and Maggie turned on the TV and watched it in the background as she talked him into playing her favorite games with her.

Later, Buffy woke up and looked at her alarm clock. She sat straight up in her bed when she realized she had slept until 11. Rubbing her eyes and putting on her robe, she rushed into Maggie’s room only to find that she wasn’t there. Buffy started to panic until she also found that Spike was missing from his room. When she got downstairs what she saw caused fresh tears to spring to her eyes. Spike and Maggie were sitting in the chair; Maggie was curled up in his lap with her head on his shoulder. He was reading her a story, but she had fallen asleep. Spike kept reading to make sure she was asleep. Buffy walked into the room, and he motioned for her to be quiet. She walked over and sat on the side of the chair beside them, and took the book from Spike as he closed it.

Buffy leaned over and whispered to Spike “How long has she been asleep?”

“Just a few minutes. I was reading to her, and she just tuckered out. I guess we just had too much fun this morning and she was worn out,” he whispered back.

“Too much fun this morning? Spike how long has she been up?”

“We’ve been up since 7, Luv. We had breakfast, played some games, watched some TV, colored some pictures, and read some stories. She fell asleep during the third story.”

“You’ve been up with her since 7? Spike you didn’t even go to bed until 5! You should have came in and got me up.”

“Nonsense, pet. You looked so tired when you turned in last night, I thought you could use some extra rest.” Spike tried to stifle a yawn as he said “we really did have fun this morning.”

Buffy smiled. “Spike, you look exhausted. Why don’t you put her down on the sofa and go get some sleep. I’ll make sure she doesn’t wake you up again.”

Spike smiled back at Buffy. “Can I just hold her for a little while longer? I really don’t mind. She’s ok…”

“Ok. Spike. I just didn’t want her to bother you. I’m going to get some coffee. Stay there as long as you want.” Buffy turned and went to the kitchen to put some coffee on. When she returned to the living room, this time she couldn’t stop the unexpected tears from falling from her eyes. Spike was still holding Maggie, and he had also fallen asleep in the chair. Buffy took the blanket off the sofa and lightly covered them up, and kissed them both on the cheek. “Sleep well, my loves.” She whispered, before returning to the kitchen to start making Maggie’s lunch, leaving Spike and Maggie to their sweet nap-time dreams.

Chapter 12

Buffy finished off her second cup of coffee as she made lunch for Maggie. She still couldn’t believe that she had slept in until 11, and that Spike had been up all morning with their daughter. She crept back to the living room door and gazed at the two of them, still sound asleep in the big, comfortable chair where he’d been reading to Maggie. Maggie had obviously fallen soundly asleep, and was totally relaxed. Her little arms fell limply at her sides, and she was curled up so that her head rested sideways on Spike’s shoulder. Her little mouth was tightly closed, almost forming a pout, which only highlighted her little cheekbones more than usual. She was so relaxed that Buffy would be afraid of her falling in the floor, mid-dream, if it weren’t for the way Spike was holding her.

Spike’s arms were wrapped securely around the little girl, as if his very life depended on protecting her. His head was cocked to the side ever so slightly, just enough that Maggie’s little forehead rested on the edge of his chin. From this angle, Buffy could see just how much Maggie resembled Spike. She had always thought that Maggie was the perfect little combination of the two of them, but now it was so much easier to over look the resemblances to Buffy and concentrate on her resemblance to Spike. They shared the same cheekbones, the same curl in their hair (if only Spike wouldn’t comb his back so straight-like), and after Maggie’s little incident with Alex, it looked like they might even share the same scarred eyebrow.

Buffy stood there for a few more moments, completely loosing herself in her thoughts. She had to tell Maggie soon that Spike was her father. But she honestly had no idea how to do it. She’d told Maggie so much about her father over the years, and now she wondered how her little girl would think Spike measured up to the stories.  * This would be so much easier if I had known he was coming *  Buffy thought. * Then I could have prepared her… Now that he’s here, what do I do? Say ‘oh, by the way, that guy that you’ve gotten really attached to? He’s your Daddy.’ Of course that’s not what you tell a 5 year old. Maybe Spike will have some idea of how to tell her. But we have to tell her soon…*

The beep of a kitchen timer snapped Buffy out of her thoughts, signaling to her that the cookies she’d put in the oven were done. Buffy scurried back into the kitchen to take them out of the oven before they burned and the smoke detector alarmed the whole neighborhood. Buffy put the cookies on a plate to cool while she finished up making Maggie’s favorite lunch. The phone rang, and she snatched the cordless out of its cradle before the second ring, hoping that she caught it before the ringing woke either Spike or Maggie.

“Buffy, Hi!” She smiled when she heard Willow’s voice.

“Hey, Will. This is twice in two days I’ve talked to you on the phone. I feel honored,” she almost laughed as she talked with her best friend.

“Well, I emailed you, but you didn’t write back, so I figured I might as well call you on my break,” Willow sighed.

“So sorry, Will. But I’ve been a little pre-occupied.  Haven’t even switched on the computer in the last couple of days. Nothing’s wrong is it?”

“No! No, Buffy, I was just letting you know that everything here is working out much more smoothly than we’d anticipated. So it looks like I’ll be able to make it out a couple of days early for the big 5^th birthday party!”

“Wonderful! Maggie will be so excited. She was just asking me the other day if Auntie Willow was coming for the party. She’ll be glad to get to see you before the party. That is… if I can tear her away from Spike long enough.” Buffy giggled, and Willow did too.

“So, am I to assume that things are going well between all of you?” the witch prodded.

“Yeah, things are going really well, Willow. Maggie has Spike wrapped around her little finger, and he’s really great with her. I haven’t quite figured out how to tell her about him yet, though.”

“Well, Buffy, I’m sure that it will all work out. Listen, I’ve got to run in a minute, students will be coming in… I’ll be back in Sunnydale on Thursday now, instead of Saturday, and Xander is picking me up from the airport. We’ll call you as soon as we get to his house and I get settled in.”

“Oh crap… Xander!” Buffy exclaimed.

“What? Oh… you haven’t told him about Spike?” Willow inquired.

“No. I haven’t even talked to him or Anya lately. He’s gonna flip, Will.”

“Nah, he won’t. I think he finally realized how important it is to you to have your family together. Xander’s grown up a lot over the last five years, Buff. He’ll be ok. You just concentrate on my favorite little munchkin and her birthday.”

“Can do, Will. Call us as soon as you get here. Talk to you then.”

Buffy snuck back into the living room, and held her breath as she hoped that Spike still slept as soundly as he had five years earlier. She gently loosened his grasp on Maggie, and sighed when she realized he hadn’t really budged. *Still sleeps like the dead * Buffy mused, as she gingerly picked her daughter up in her arms. She carried her down the hallway, and Maggie warily opened her eyes to look at her.

“Good morning sleepy-head.” Buffy cooed to her little one.

“Mommy!” she said excitedly, around a yawn. “Spike and I were playing and I fell asleep.”

“I know you did. Come on now, let’s wash up for lunch.” Buffy told her, as she pulled a little step stool up to the kitchen sink so that Maggie could reach her hands under the faucet.

“Where’s he at?” Maggie inquired as Buffy helped her rinse her hands and dry them on a towel.

“Hmm? Oh, Spike’s still sleeping in the chair. You woke him up awfully early this morning, Little Bit.”

Maggie was dancing around the kitchen, while Buffy was bringing their plates to the table. Buffy was still thinking about how sweet Spike had been that morning and how they would tell Maggie that he was her father, as she heard Maggie talking. “I’ll go get him so he can eat lunch with us” Maggie said as she danced around the kitchen island toward the door.

“No,” Buffy said, still lost in her thoughts, “Let your Daddy sleep a little longer, he was up very late last night.”

As soon as the words tumbled out of her mouth, Buffy’s eyes grew as wide as saucers, and her hand came up to cover her mouth. Maggie looked a little confused, then squealed. Spike immediately sprang to the kitchen door when he heard Maggie’s squeal, mistaking it for a cry.

“What’s wrong, pet?” He asked, taking in the horrified look on Buffy’s face and the look of wonderment crossing Maggie’s features as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

Everything was happening too fast, from where Buffy was standing. She sat down heavily in the chair, holding her head in her hands. She felt like she could still feel that word, “Daddy”, bumping around in her brain, and still she couldn’t believe she’d been so lost in her thoughts that she let it fly unchecked out of her mouth. She peeked out at the scene before her through her fingers, wondering what Spike’s reaction to her verbal blunder would be.

She watched as a huge grin broke over Maggie’s face, as she looked up at Spike. “Daddy?” she questioned, searching  his face for an answer.

Chapter 13

Buffy watched while a huge grin broke over Maggie’s face, as she looked up at Spike. “Daddy?” she questioned, searching  his face for an answer.

Spike stood there for just a beat, wondering where Maggie had come up with such a complex question with a single word. Then he looked over at Buffy, and realized that one way or the other, she must have told Maggie.

Just a few seconds ago, Buffy had felt that everything was moving too fast, as if the world had started spinning out of control. Now, after hearing little Maggie actually call Spike “Daddy”, she felt like an eternity was passing by; time had seemed to stand still while Buffy and Maggie waited for Spike’s reaction. Buffy wondered if all this was normal, this feeling that time was lurching between fast and slow, or if this was just some horrible trick being played on her by the Powers that Be, to watch her squirm after yet another occurrence of open-mouth-insert-foot syndrome. Suddenly all the time lurching that Buffy thought she was feeling made her very sick to her stomach, yet she still sat there and watched Spike and Maggie as one might watch a horrible train wreck on the six o’clock news.

Maggie was starting to look more worried than excited; her huge smile was slowly fading to an adorable pout. Spike reached down and picked her up, hugging her tightly as she said it again, pulling back to look straight into his eyes. “Daddy?” This time it was almost a whisper.

“Yeah, Baby?” Spike smiled at her, watching as the grin returned to Maggie’s face. She threw her arms around his neck and held on for dear life. Buffy finally looked up at him, trying to gauge the emotion behind his crystal blue eyes. She knew that they probably had a lot more explaining to do, but for right now there was no way she was going to interrupt this moment between Spike and Maggie.

Her eyes filled up with tears again as Spike motioned for her to come to him, and when she reached his side he let one arm wrap securely around her, holding both her and Maggie close to him. And he thought that this was the moment he’d been waiting for his whole existence. To be standing there, holding his girls, and feeling a love so powerful that nothing could destroy it. Oh yes, there was more explaining to be done, but for now, they were all happy, and none of them wanted to break the enchantment of the moment.

+ + + + +

Of course, enchantment can only last so long. Just as Buffy was starting to feel safe again in Spike’s arms, and starting to be happy that her family might really be together, the back door flew open. Xander breezed in, just as he always had, more or less acting like he belonged in Buffy’s kitchen.

“Hey Buff! Just wanted to come and check on my favorite little… WHOA!” Little Alex was following closely behind his father, and bumped right into him when Xander came to a sudden stop in front of the island. Alex rubbed his forehead while Xander just stood there, moving his mouth but not really finding any words that would come out.

Buffy jumped a little when she heard Xander’s voice, but didn’t really pull away from Spike or turn to face Xander. “Ugh” she said under her breath, and Spike had to bite his tongue to keep from cracking up right in front of their ‘guest’. Finally she turned around. “Xander. I really wasn’t expecting to see you today. How’s everything going?”

“Uh…um, Spike!” was all he could really come up with.

“Xander.” Spike replied, with hardly any tone of friendship.

Maggie watched all the adults, wondering why they were all acting so strange. Of course, she was trying to figure this out in an effort to ignore Alex, who stood nervously beside Xander and stared at her and Spike. “Uncle Xander!” she started, “He came! I told you that my Daddy would come for my party and he did!” she brightly told him.

Xander’s face paled even more. “Buffy…you told her?”

Buffy narrowed her eyes, and put on one of Willow’s famous ‘resolve faces’. “Xander, not now. We,” she said as she motioned to herself, Spike, and Maggie, “still have a lot to talk about. When we’re done, I’ll deal with you.” She was a little surprised when Xander backed off, and seemingly dropped the subject.

Alex still stood there, eyes darting between all of the people in the room. Spike put Maggie down and knelt in front of the younger Harris boy. “Hi there. You must be Alex. Maggie told me all about you the other day. I’m her Dad, but you can call me Spike.” Maggie stood behind Spike during this encounter and stuck her tongue out at Alex, thinking that Spike didn’t know what she was doing.

“That’s a funny name.” Alex replied, wanting so badly to reach out and grab Maggie’s tongue and make her wish she’d never stuck it out at him.

“Yeah, I suppose it is,” Spike said with a slight chuckle, thinking like father like son… Without even turning to look at her, Spike said “Maggie, stop sticking your tongue out at him.” She looked shocked that Spike had known what she was doing, but stopped nonetheless. “Now, Little Bit, don’t you have something you want to say to Alex?” he asked her.

“No.” came her simple reply.

Spike turned around to face Maggie, but Buffy interrupted before he could say anything to her. “Maggie, I do believe that we talked about this, and there is something you need to say to him.”

“No.” she said again, crossing her little arms defiantly over her chest.

“Margaret Anne…” Buffy started, but Spike intervened before she could get too upset. “Margaret, you know what you did wasn’t right, don’t you?” he asked her.

She nodded, and finally gave into her parents’ demands; a bit worried that they had both used her whole name. “I’m sorry that I said not nice things to you the other day Alex, and I’m sorry that you pushed me down. And I’m sorry if you got into trouble because of me.”

“Okay.” Alex told her.

“Uh, pet… there’s something else.” Spike prodded her.

Maggie looked thoroughly disappointed, and whispered “I’m sorry I bit you.”

“A little louder,” Spike told her.

Maggie sighed loudly, and looked right at Alex. “I’m sorry that I bit you the other day. My  Mommy and my Daddy say that it’s not nice to bite people, and that I shouldn’t do it.”

Alex nodded. Xander giggled. Buffy and Spike looked up at him as if he’d grown another head, for laughing while Maggie apologized to Alex. “What?” he said between giggles, “It’s kinda funny… Spike telling Maggie not to bite people.”

Buffy just rolled her eyes and knew that while Xander had done a lot of growing up over the last five years that some things would never change. “Well, Buff, we just came by to check on Maggie… make sure she hadn’t pulled any more runaway attempts. We should go now, looks like you were just in the middle of something when we got here.”

“Yeah, Xander, we were. Thanks. I’ll talk to you later.” Buffy said, as she opened the back door for them to leave. Xander smiled at her on his way out the door, and Buffy could have sworn he tossed a grin over her shoulder to Spike as well.

When the door closed, Spike said “Well, that was interesting.”

“Yeah, it sure was…” Buffy agreed.

+ + + +

Maggie sat at the table, happily munching away at her lunch. Buffy and Spike stood at the island, watching her and talking quietly. “She seems to be taking all of this rather well,” Buffy said.

“Yeah, she does. But pet, care to tell me how she found out? I thought we were going to tell her later.”

Buffy explained to him about how she’d let the cat out of the bag while making lunch.  She was still obviously upset about how she’d let it slip out like that, but inside she was relieved that Spike had reacted so calmly. He assured her that there was really no other way for him to react… they’d talked about telling her, and Spike was glad that Maggie finally knew the truth.

“You know, Love, I really think that letting it slip like that was probably for the best.” Spike tried to reassure Buffy.

“How you do mean?”

“Well, Buffy, think about it. If we had sat down with her to tell her, she probably would have been scared to death. I mean, we were both a little worried about it, and she’s bound to pick up on that. She’s a very perceptive child, Buffy. We would have ended up being way too serious and she might have thought she was in trouble or something. This way, it just sort of happened all natural like, and she didn’t have to face some scary serious conversation with us. And, it let the focus be on her, instead of all the stress we were feeling.”

Buffy smiled. “There you go making a lot of sense again.” She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek, and sighed when he wrapped his arms around her.

“Hey.” Maggie said, and interrupted their moment.

“Yeah, Bit?” Spike asked.

Buffy grinned, because she knew what was coming. She knew that Maggie was about to start firing questions at them, much like she’d done to Spike on the first day he was there and she demanded he tell her all about England. However, Buffy never anticipated that the first question out of her child’s mouth would be the one she both dreaded and longed to know the answer to.

“You don’t have to leave us again, do you Daddy? Will you promise to stay forever?” She had such sincerity in her question, and Spike recognized the hope twinkling in her eyes. It was the same hope he’d carried for years; all the time that he was falling deeper and deeper in love with Buffy.

Buffy held her breath waiting for Spike to answer, and seriously hoped that she wasn’t about to start feeling that crazy time-shifty thing again. Spike wasted no time in answering Maggie’s question, and he held Buffy a little tighter as he spoke. “No, Bit, I don’t have to leave you. I’m going to stay here, as long as your Mommy wants me to stay. I missed your first 4 birthday parties, I don’t intend to miss anymore.” He told her, before turning his attention to Buffy. “That is, if that’s ok with you, Love.”

Buffy nodded as her eyes misted over again. “You’ve got to stop saying things to make me cry, Spike. I don’t think I’ve cried this many happy tears in all my life.” She said, before he leaned in to kiss her. Buffy pulled back after a moment, and Spike looked disappointed. “Maggie’s right there…”she whispered.

“Right then.” Spike said with a smirk. “We’ll pick this up later, yes?”

“You can bet on it.” Buffy said, countering his smirk with a wink.

“Hello?” Maggie called, waving her little hands back and forth. “I still wanna know….” She trailed off as she skipped into the living room, beckoning Buffy and Spike to follow her. Buffy knew that this round of questions from her was going to last awhile, but she didn’t really care. She and Spike had all the time in the world to spend with their daughter, and she wanted to make the most of it.

Chapter 14

Spike and Buffy spent the better part of the afternoon answering question after question from Maggie. She wanted to know all sorts of things, but she finally asked them the second question that Buffy was a little nervous about the answer to.

“Mommy says that you’ve been away working. What were you doing? Did you go anywhere fun?”

Buffy wondered what his answer would be, while Spike sat there, nervously contemplating what to tell Maggie. He thought she was a little too young to know the whole story, but he knew he had to tell her something. He looked at Buffy and smiled, then tried to explain things in a way that Maggie would understand.

“Well, Bit, I did go to some pretty interesting places. I was doing lots of different things, but mainly I was doing lots of studying and finding ways to keep you and your Mum safe,” he explained, hoping this would satisfy her.

“So were you fighting the monsters like in my dreams?” she asked.

“Yeah, sort of like that Maggie.” He told her.

The phone rang, and Buffy quickly went to answer it. When she came back she watched Maggie and Spike for a moment, still amazed at how their interaction with each other was so natural, as if he’d never been gone at all.

“Sweetie?” Buffy said, and grinned when both Spike and Maggie looked up at her. “Maggie,” she clarified “How would you like to go spend the night with Auntie Dawn tonight at her dorm?”

“Really? I can really go stay with her?”

“Yes, she just called and said that she’d come by and pick you up in about a half hour.”

“Yay! Yay! Yay!” Maggie exclaimed as she skipped up the stairs to her room. Buffy followed, to pack her things, while Spike stayed behind in the living room. He knew that Maggie’s questions had sparked some questions in Buffy’s mind as well, and part of him was glad that they would now have some time alone for him to explain where he had been for the last five years.

The longer he sat there and thought about it though, he really wasn’t sure where to begin. Buffy had been so understanding since he’d been back, and he certainly didn’t want to do anything to make her not trust him. Now he worried that maybe she had only been so calm because Maggie was always around. Now that they were going to be alone together was she going to loose it? He didn’t really have too much time to worry about how Buffy would react to being alone with him, because before he knew it the ringing of the doorbell snapped him out of his thoughts. Buffy called down from upstairs, asking him to get the door. He never expected the reaction he would get from Dawn when he opened the door.

As the door swung open and Dawn saw Spike standing there, her eyes narrowed into little slits; Spike couldn’t really tell if she was angry or just thinking of something to say to him. He didn’t have to wait very long to find out.

“Spike.” She said, rather flatly. “Where’s Maggie and Buffy?”

“Uh, they’re upstairs, getting the Littler Bit’s things together. How are you, Nibblet?” He asked as he moved aside, giving her room to come inside.

Once inside the living room, Dawn turned and swiftly smacked Spike in the chest. “Where the hell have you been, Spike?”

Spike was shocked, but Dawn didn’t let the look of confusion that was taking over his face stop her. She kept smacking him, walking him further and further into the living room. “I mean it Spike, tell me where the hell you were for five years. Have you even told Buffy? Are you going to tell her? Did you think you could just waltz back in here and think that nothing had changed? Answer me!” She finally had him backed up against the chair, and on her final exclamation she pushed him down into the chair; the fact that he was not trying to fight back fueling her anger even further.

Spike had never seen his Nibblet act this way. He’s seen her upset before, sure, but he had never seen such anger and hurt reflected in her eyes. The second that he looked up at her to speak to her, she turned away, and started pacing the room. In a much quieter, but still flat voice she said “Well, are you going to tell me?”

Spike remained in his seat and watched her pace around the room. “In the last five years I’ve been a little bit of everywhere. I spent a lot of time in England, but I did travel around to some other places whenever I needed to. Mostly I was making sure that I could keep you and Buffy safe when I did come back. I tried to keep up with you as best I could. If I had known about Maggie sooner, though, you can bet that I wouldn’t have stayed away as long as I did. In fact, I never would have left if I had known…” he trailed off, remembering the night that he left Sunnydale and the revelation that Buffy knew she was pregnant then. Dawn had stopped pacing, but still did not turn to face Spike. He got up and walked over to her, placing his hands gently on her shoulders and turning her to face him.

Tears were shining in the corners of her eyes, and threatening to spill onto her cheeks. She finally looked into his eyes, and let her tears fall. “It really hurt, you know Spike? To find out that you were gone and that you didn’t even bother to say goodbye…”

He pulled Dawn into a hug. “Bit, I’m so sorry. I left hastily, and I’m sorry that it hurt you. Can you ever forgive me?”

Dawn finally returned the hug, and said “Of course I can, Spike. But I still want the whole story of where you’ve been and what you’ve been doing.”

“And you’ll get it. But I think I need to explain everything to Buffy first. And then, I want to hear all about what you’ve been up to, and what’s going on at UC Sunnydale.”

She stepped back to look at him, and finally smiled. “I missed you, Spike.”

“ I missed you too, Nibblet. Now let’s go see if Maggie is ready to go.”

Upstairs, Spike and Dawn found Maggie and Buffy packing her little purple duffle bag. Buffy had packed her clothes and her toothbrush, and now they were deciding on which toys she would take. Maggie wanted to take every coloring book she owned, as well as five of her storybooks. Buffy told her that she wouldn’t be at Dawn’s long enough to take all of those books, but Maggie wouldn’t listen. Every time Buffy would take a book and put it back on the shelf, Maggie would get another one and put it in the bag.

Dawn grinned and decided she should intervene. “Hey there Little Bit! Are you ready to go?”

“Auntie Dawn!” Maggie squealed. “I’m so excited to sleep over with you!” She ran over to Dawn, and as Dawn picked her up she winked at Buffy. Buffy took the opportunity to replace about half of the books Maggie had put in her bag. Dawn turned and carried Maggie down the stairs, while Buffy and Spike gathered Maggie’s things and followed them down.

They all went outside, and put Maggie’s little purple bag into the car.  She ran over to Spike and practically jumped into his arms. He hugged her, and kissed her cheek. “Now you be good, baby, and have lots of fun with Auntie Dawn.”

“I will, Daddy. Will you come pick me up tomorrow?”

Dawn looked at Buffy, a little shocked, and mouthed the word “Daddy?” Buffy nodded, and whispered that they had told her the truth.

 Spike smiled at Maggie, and hugged her one more time. “Remember, Bit, I can’t come out in the sunshine to pick you up. But your Mommy will come and get you, and then when you get home we will watch TV together and play all your favorite games. Ok?”

“Ok!” She said. Buffy came over and put her daughter in the car, and fastened her seat belt. She kissed Maggie and told her to be good for Dawn. Maggie promised again that she would be. As they started to back out of the driveway, Maggie waved her little hands back and forth, trying to get Buffy and Spike’s attention. Dawn rolled down her window, and Maggie called out to them “Bye, Mommy and Daddy! I love you!”

“We love you too, Bit.” Spike called out to her.

+ + + + + +

Once they were back inside the house, Spike wasted no time starting his discussion with Buffy.

“Love, there are some things we need to talk about.”

“I know, Spike, but do we have to do it right now?” Buffy said, almost pouting.

“Pet, I need to explain this to you. Where I’ve been, what I was doing. I’ve wanted to tell you since the moment I came back. Can we please just do this now?”

Buffy was taken back by the seriousness in his tone. She sat down on the sofa and motioned for him to sit with her. He sat, and she reached out to hold his hand, lacing their fingers together. She leaned over, resting her head on his shoulder. “You know you can tell me anything Spike. And we’ll deal with it. Nothing is more important to me right now than having my family together.”

He sighed. “I know, Buffy. And I want to tell you everything that happened after I left, and where I’ve been. But there’s one very important thing that you need to know upfront.” He turned slightly, to look into her eyes when he said his next sentence. Feeling like he was drowning in her clear, hazel eyes, he said, “Love, the chip… it doesn’t work anymore.”

Chapter 15

When we left off, Spike had just said:

“I want to tell you everything that happened after I left, and where I’ve been. But there’s one very important thing that you need to know upfront.” He turned slightly, to look into her eyes when he said his next sentence. Feeling like he was drowning in her clear, hazel eyes, he said, “Love, the chip… it doesn’t work anymore.”

+ + + +

Buffy tried to hide her reaction to his revelation, but failed miserably. Her eyes grew wide as saucers and she felt her skin grow clammy. She still held onto his hand, but her grip loosened as she felt the unmistakable feeling of fear bubble up in her stomach. The kind of fear that one feels when they are facing impending doom, and knowing there is nothing they can do about it, like watching as you’re involved in a car accident or as you are cornered by a mugger in an alleyway knowing that there is no one to come to your rescue. She started to absently shake her head in disbelief, since she couldn’t quite form any words to say to him.

Spike sensed the change in her immediately, feeling her fingers loosen around his own and sensing the cold sweat she broke out in. He could also smell the fear rolling off of her in waves, and that more than anything else broke his heart. He had never intended for her to be afraid of him, and he started to worry that he wouldn’t be able to fix this. At the same time, though, he knew that things were likely to get worse before they got better.

Finally she managed to make her brain and her mouth to work in sync with each other, but still she couldn’t really form coherent thoughts. “How…Why…How?” was all she managed to croak out, mentally slapping herself as she unconsciously shrunk away from him on the sofa.

He wanted to cry watching her reaction. He’d never intended to put her through such agony but he knew that he needed to tell her the whole story and make her believe that she could trust him again.

“I didn’t do it on purpose, Buffy. Please, you have to believe that. I’ll tell you the whole sodding story, from beginning to end. Starting with the night I left. Just please hear me out.” He told her, as he got up and started pacing around the room. He would’ve given anything for a smoke at that point, but knew that smoking inside the house was out of the question.

“I’m listening, Spike.” Buffy’s voice broke when she said his name. She was trying to remain calm, and give him the chance to explain, but all she could imagine was a horrible reality where her family was brought together for one fleeting moment to only be torn apart again. She glanced up at Spike, pacing around the room, and willed her tears not to fall from her eyes. But she lost that battle almost as quickly and miserably as she lost the battle with her fear at the revelation that Spike’s chip didn’t work any more.

Spike continued to pace, remembering the night that he left Sunnydale, as he began telling Buffy what had happened during his five-year absence.

+ + + + +

Spike wandered down the street toward his crypt. He couldn’t believe that once again, he’d been dismissed by the Slayer. It still hurt, much more than it should. He was a Big Bad vampire, after all… things like whether or not the slayer had any feelings for him shouldn’t matter. In fact, it was completely unorthodox to begin with, his being in love with her. He finally decided that it was too much. Sitting around, waiting for her to throw him some crumb of feeling, other than coming to him every night for some strange sort of comfort or to “scratch an itch” (as he’d put it so many times); it had all become too much for even him to take.

When he reached the crypt, his fury was starting to get the better of him. He started to trash the upper level of the crypt, smashing the many glass liquor bottles sitting around, and overturning furniture. Finally  his feeling of blind rage settled into his gut, and felt a lot more like hurt and a broken heart than anything else. He got up and started packing his clothes in an old, worn out duffle bag he’d picked up somewhere along the way. He rummaged through his refrigerator and packed up all of the blood he had in the cooler that Dawn had given him, making a mental note of how long his stash would last before he needed to find more. Once he had all of his things packed, Spike took one last look around the crypt, and headed for his car.

He considered leaving a note for the Nibblet, saying good bye and trying to explain why he was leaving, but he thought it better to leave things as they were. It would probably be days before any of the Scoobies came looking for him anyway, and he thought that even if they came looking for him and found the note, he figured that they wouldn’t give it to the Nibblet anyway.

So as the engine of his old Desoto roared to life, Spike headed down the highway without a look back, scoffing as he drove past the sign signaling his exodus from the place he’d called home for the better part of five years.

He drove for hours, always at night; not stopping until he realized that sunrise was peeking on the horizon. Only then would he stop and find shelter, usually in some seedy little dive of a place or in old abandoned buildings. He traveled like that for days, until the days stretched into weeks. Finally he reached New York, and with a fleeting thought he left his car in a storage garage and boarded a plane for England.

Touching down in London brought on strange thoughts for the vampire. This was where it all started, so many years ago. He hadn’t been back to this place in so many years, too many to count in fact.  He spent several months in the old town, trying to avoid as much of the human and vampire population as he could, only fraternizing with either one to find a butcher that would sell him blood and bar that would serve him his libations. He managed to exist this way for almost a year, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t stop thinking of the Slayer he’d left behind in Sunnydale.

One night as Spike walked down the dark alleyway toward his favorite bar, his thoughts again drifted to Buffy. He had gotten better at controlling his thoughts of her, and allowing himself to miss her with out brooding. He never brooded, for fear of becoming the poncy poof that he hated so much. Before he knew what had hit him, quite literally, a large, hulking creature jumped from the shadows and smacked him up against the wall of the nearest building. Spike felt the stabbing nudge of a handgun, as the creature demanded that Spike give him all of his money. Before even thinking twice, Spike butted his head backwards, throwing the man off of him. He had gotten in several good punches, and slid into his game face, fighting off the creature with an ease that he hadn’t felt in over a year. As he tackled his attacker to the ground and continued to pummel him, Spike finally noticed a vital fact that he couldn’t believe he had over looked when he was first attacked. This creature, this hulking thing that held him at gunpoint and demanded his cash, was in fact a man. A common, everyday criminal that roamed the streets of London and preyed on weaker people in the night.

Spike stopped his assault and ran as fast as he could, his mind reeling with the knowledge that he hit this man in the alleyway with no pain from the chip. He didn’t sleep at all the next day, turning the events over in his mind and trying to come up with some explanation. He needed answers, and that night when the sun set he went to the only place he knew where he could get those answers.

He went to see her Watcher.

Giles was shocked, to say the least, when he answered the door in his London flat to see Spike standing there, requesting entrance. Against his better judgment, Giles invited Spike in, wondering what led him to his door. Spike went in and took a seat, warily looking around the place and trying to assess whether or not Giles was going to stake him first and ask questions later. He never imagined that Giles’ first question would throw him so completely for a loop.

“Spike, does Buffy know you’re here?”

“No, mate, and I can’t imagine she’d care.”

“So, you haven’t talked to her lately, then? She has no idea that you’re in London?”

“No. And I’d be ever so grateful if you didn’t tell her. Like I said, I can’t imagine that she’d care where I was, and I wouldn’t want to bother her with this little “problem” of mine.”

“Spike…”Giles started, wondering if he should tell Spike everything that he knew and send him on his way back to Sunnydale. “I think that if you just gave me a moment, I could make you understand that she really does…”

“The chip is broken.” Spike interrupted, “And I need to know why.”

“What did you say?” Giles implored, quickly deciding to not yet tell Spike about the daughter waiting for him in Sunnydale.

“I said the chip is broken. And don’t go getting all wiggy on me mate, I’m not going to hurt you. I just need to know how and why it fizzled out.”

Giles and Spike spent the next few days researching and trying to find any plausible explanation for why the chip had stopped working. Finally, the only explanation they could come up with was that the chip used on Spike by the initiative was a prototype, one not designed for long-term use. After a few calls to some contacts Giles still had in the states, he found out that was in fact the case. The Initiative had used prototype chips in their Sunnydale operation, planning in the long run to replace those chips with ones that would keep the demons subdued on a permanent basis.

Then came the more difficult work, of figuring out why Spike didn’t want to go on a killing rampage now that the chip wasn’t stopping him. Spike knew the answer, as did Giles, although for Spike’s sake he pretended to need convincing. Spike’s love for Buffy had changed him. He wanted to be better for her; deep down he wanted to be the man that she deserved, and his love for her consumed all that was ever evil about him, until there was nothing left but the way he felt about her.

+ + + + +

Giles helped Spike find his way in the world, making sure that he could cope with his new found freedom and stay on the right track. Several times he considered telling Spike about Maggie, or telling Buffy about Spike, but he always decided against it, not wanting to interfere with the plans of the two star-crossed lovers. He did feel bad, though, knowing that Buffy was looking for Spike, and that he didn’t tell her where to find him.

Eventually, Spike moved on from London, traveling around England and doing more research. He tried to find ways that he could be of use to Buffy, other than just accompanying her on patrol, and trying to find ways to redeem himself in her eyes. He knew that she would likely always have a hang-up about him being a soulless vampire, but he hoped that by fighting for good and establishing some kind of reputation that she might one day see that he really had changed for her. He needed to make her understand that his love for her was real, and he hoped that one day she could find it in her heart to return his love.

Spike finally settled in a small town north of London, and continued his self-induced plight of redemption. Occasionally he would find text in a book or Giles would contact him with new information that led him to other places, places where he would be tested and tempted and where he always emerged victorious. Over the course of the four years he spent in England, his occasional travels took him to St. Petersburg, Madrid, Rome, Florence, and Paris. His thoughts always turned to Buffy in these places, always thinking how much he wished that he could show her these cities steeped in mystery and littered with evidence of their pasts.

When Spike turned up again on Giles’ doorstep on a muggy day in early June, Giles was hardly surprised. It had been almost four years since Spike had come to him seeking answers, and a little over five since Spike had last seen Buffy. Spike came to him telling him that he thought he was finally ready to move on, and that he was moving back to the States. He never mentioned to Giles that he was actually going home to try and work things out with Buffy; not wanting to put the Watcher in the position of telling him if Buffy had moved on, or of alerting Buffy to his arrival. Spike simply thanked Giles for all of his help, and left England without a second look.

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